it's been a while

Thirty wonderful comments to befuddle and astound you. Especially for Cindy.


March 30th

Thank you, James Ozon. I was starting to question Canadian literacy there with the first few comments. Fred Fuchs does sound like he is bringing a fresh, honest, foreign perspective on Canadian television culture, and it seems he has a healthy respect for its strengths. I too wish him the best of luck and plenty of perseverance to withstand all the Canadian pettiness when it comes to spending money on the arts. (CBC-TV names new head of arts.)

Now if Wayne can just wangle Don Cherry's endorsement, he should be a shoe-in. (Clarke backs Gretzky for Vancouver Olympics.)

Please, oh pretty please, can we try to get the business out of sports? I enjoyed playing baseball, football and ice hockey as a kid but I stopped enjoying anything about team sports around the time I finished middle school, when I discovered so many other kids' dads actually thought it was a big deal if their kid's team won or lost the game. What is the real diference in skill level between the highest-paid veteran and the kid just up from the minors for a game or two? In most cases, none is apparent. If you're playing competitive sports that keep score, someone's got to lose. Does that mean it can't still be fun? It's called Sports Entertainment for a reason, people. (The falling Leafs. My plea didn't work, because Canadians ARE poor sports. As I prepared this post, the Leafs were four goals up along the way to beating Buffalo for their third in a row, only six-and-a-half minutes into the first period. 7-0 final, six goals at even-strength. Is that any way for Buffalo to throw a game?)


March 29th

Anyone with a million dollars worth of jewellery can certainly afford to lose it. Whether anyone would offer them a million dollars for trinkets so gaudy they were thought to be costume jewellery is another matter. Perhaps the purse's owner was counting on a big fat insurance claim. Just a notion. (Good Samaritan returns $1-million purse.)

Vancouver, prepare to be regaled! Now how do I make a smirk smiley? (Into the west for Gemini Awards. The comments were closed darn quickly on this one, leaving yours truly with the only comment.)


March 28th

Gerard Stocker mentions The English Patient, a film written by a Torontonian transplanted from Sri Lanka. Apparently another Torontonian, Anne Michaels, is more interested in what happened in Poland under the Nazis and later on in Greece. Toronto seems to be an afterthought, maybe only there in order to recive funding or exploit a captive audience. One of these days a novel will be written by a native Torontonian and the entirety of it's plot will unfold within the GTA. It will never be read or adapted into a screenplay because none of the administrators at the Toronto Arts Council or any other funding body in the city are from the big smoke. They just moved to town for the recognition. Toronto may be a city of immigrants but there was usually somebody there to welcome tham when they arived. Perhaps there's a novel there as well. This second generation native Torontonian expects better from his fellow citizens, and I invite everyone to read my novels and see my plays, that is if I can convince anyone in Toronto to publish or produce them. Sorry, they're all about my hometown. (Fugitive Pieces set to shoot. Lawrence Crofton suggested I read "In the Skin of a Lion" by Ondaatje. I have. It was published in 1987 and has never been filmed. I rest my case.)

Too bad Brokeback Mountain didn't win the Oscar for best use of an old black pickup truck. (Teenager banking on Brokeback truck. They closed these ones out right after mine, the third. There's nothing like a swift healthy dose of sarcasm.)


March 27th

Hello all scam artists: just try to steal my identity. I don't have any credit cards and there are at least a dozen people with my name in Canada alone. Good luck! (How safe is your ID? Aren't I cocky?)


March 24th

From a practical standpoint, every roof can hold solar panels, but not every backyard can accommodate a wind turbine. Also, it seems the mechanical energy driving a turbine might produce more kilowatt hours than even a large surface area collecting power from photo-generation. Ontario Hydro or whatever TV station name its currently under cannot pay more than a fair price, but the cost of hydro itself does depend on the mode of production. This seems more than fair and logical to me. It even hints at progressiveness, something the Conservatives were very unwise to abandon. (Ontario unveils green power plan. 109 of 111, but I think the story just got old.)


March 23rd

This may be nit-picking, but for something to evolve doesn't it usually need to produce generations of offspring, such as the successive improvements in cellphones? Google may be broadening its reach in order to deepen its pockets, but I still use it for its primary purpose. What else is it good for? (Google evolves into all-purpose website. This one closed them out at four. It's nice to get the last word sometimes.)

Well, twenty-eight million is a lot of money to spend in an attempt to keep bums in seats at the Princess of Wales. Will it work? I would have preferred a stage adaptation of one of the great but lesser-known Canadian novels, with Canadian composers and other such things. Perhaps Alberta could ante up a bit of their ten-billion surplus. Maybe then in fifty years we might all be humming something like 'Aaaaal-ber-ta, where the wind comes right behind the rain...' (Will it be Lord of the ca-ching?)

Andrew Chong from Toronto, Canada writes: Anyone who can sit through 3 hours of "just" the movie version of The Return of the King can sit through 3 hours of the musical version that is broken up by 2 intermissions. To #15 gordon foster: Good or bad, the name recognition will generate at least "curiosity" business. As to you preference for "a stage adaptation of one of the great but lesser-known Canadian novels, with Canadian composers and other such things", it might be easier to find investors for Springtime for Hitler. Does gordon have a couple of million to invest in such a production? (I thought I suggested Ralph Klein as the moneybags, or perhaps I was too subtle. Andrew got the last word this time.)

Did the article mention that only 12% of Kuwaiti residents are citizens? I wonder how many of the foreigners are Iraqis. Perhaps the Gulf War of so long ago was indeed the farce Operation Iraqi Freedom is turning out to be. (Foreign workers riot in Dubai. No-one picked up on this one.)

Yeah, Alberta. So they've got lots of cash. I hope the budget includes capital investment in Canadian industries. Where is that ten billon going to be sitting, if not in Mr. Klein's bank account? (Alberta budget gushes spending, tax breaks. No groundbreaking musicals on the way though, unfortunately.)


March 22nd

Has anyone got the patent correlating the intake of oxygen and the sustenance of animal life? Dibs on that one. (Patent case pending. Comment 6, and amazingly they're still waiting for number 7. Any ideas?)

Wow. You can watch sports on the computer now? I'm still using my land-line for talking to people. As for office distractions, isn't that what attractive younger staff members of either gender are for? I guess some people just can't get enough tall, sweaty, lanky bike couriers. (A new temptation for office workers: on-line TV. Number 5, still waiting for number six. Aww, c'mon. Let me have the last word, will ya?)


March 21st

And here I was innocently believing that the last Czar had been killed by the Bolsheviks almost ninety years ago. (Harper, Emerson cleared in ethics probe. The original headline mentioned an "ethics czar". Oh, what power my words wield.)

No-one gets to be a billionaire through altruism. It's when everyone discovers that you're stinking rich that the guilt really starts to kick in, or should. Good on Calvin. The house always wins. (Calvin Ayre: Working on his second billion.)

"It's the professor's fascination with teaching that is bringing him to Canada. The University of Colorado offered Prof. Wieman just $5-million (U.S.) to fund his research into science education, about half of what UBC was putting up." Sounds more like a fascination with funding to me. But that's just sour grapes. I've tried to teach with the Toronto School Board on and off over the past ten years or so. Perhaps now a bit more money could start going to the high schools as well. But wait! Nobody donates to high schools, or pays tuition. What was I thinking? (UBC scores coup by luring Nobel physicist.)

South Korean cloning scientist sacked over fraud
JAE-SOON CHANG Associated Press

1 patryk drozd from krakow, poland, Canada writes: UBC should recruit this guy, probably worth peanuts
Posted 20/03/06 at 10:30 AM EST

2 gordon foster from Canada writes: "Through last year, Dr. Hwang received $31.8-million in government funds for his research, as well as $6.2-million in private donations, the audit board said." patryk drozd, you are so astute. No kidding. And I wonder if a scientist like the Nobel Laureate hired on in Vancouver could ever be found to have committed fraud studying teaching. Seems like his twelve million are safe.
Posted 20/03/06 at 4:10 PM EST

3 Alan Wong from Waterloo, Canada writes: haha, #1, as what, a Janitor? His research career is over. period.
Posted 21/03/06 at 2:31 AM EST

4 gordon foster from Canada writes: I'm sure he might still be a damn fine veterinarian.
Posted 21/03/06 at 12:35 PM EST

Comments are closed

Why would any legitimate corporate entity need to read the data from an existing credit card in order to make a new one? Wouldn't they already have the pertinent data on file? I fear Mr. Cattral's freedom to operate may be in jeopardy. (Millions still missing in fraud case. Once again, the last word.)

Wow. And I thought Vancouver fans might be a bit different from all the depressed losers venting their anger with the Leafs. It's good to know you've at least got the Grizzlies to fall back on. Whoops. Did I just type that? Sorry. (It could be make or break week for Vancouver. No offense was taken, apparently.)

"Hawksley Workman is scheduled to play St. Catharines, Ont., March 31; Victoria, April 2; Vancouver, April 3-4; Calgary, April 6; Regina, April 8; and Saskatoon, April 9." Sounds like an A-list tour. I must try to get myself to one of those shows. Maybe I can help roll the piano out onto the stage. (Why can't we just kick back and relax? The second of two comments. Isn't sarcasm wonderful?)


Let's see if I can recall the last time I worked in an office. Nope. Must be never.

Simon Fogel from Toronto, Canada writes: Does your money cheer you up when you're down? Of course not, it's just some piece of paper with some dead guy's face on it.

In response to Simon Fogel, post 58. The money I most often find in my pocket actually bears the face of a lovely lady who often visits our country and still bears an immense respect for our peoples and traditions. Long live the Queen. A bas Monsieur Harper. (Canadians beginning to shun office life. Comment 61, the last word yet again.)


Not to promote one technology above another, but the basic word-processor bundled with my Mac OS-X allows me to use all the European diacritic marks, and also other alphabets including Korean, Arabic and Japanese to name a few. I often use the Korean alphabet for on-line translations. Expanded-character domain names? Bring 'em on! ????

Well, apparently the Globe and Mail's software does not support hangeul. Those question marks represent, once romanized, kamsahamnida. I wonder if the French diacritics work? (ICANN to test domain names with non-Latin characters. The last and second-last word!)


March 20th

Keep that crap off my Mac. Please. (Developers open Mac's Windows. Others seem to concur.)

Looks like they've been amongst the lambs for years. (Wolves in danger of losing U.S. protections.)

What a lively bunch of peckerheads we have here. (The bird or not the bird? The article was regarding the controversy surrounding the alleged sighting of a species of woodpecker thought to be extinct. Curiously, my comment was originally number nine but is now second. Where did all the peckerheads go?)