for big swifty

not at all like gandalf

I hope it lasts until September so I at least get a chance to see the set and costumes. As for Brent Carver, doesn't Canada have more than one English-language stage actor with name recognition? I'm thinking William Hutt here. (Lord of the Rings: Sets shine but this is no jewel.)

word verification worries

I've been attempting to leave comments on Cindy's World 2 and Bipolar Daily's blogs, but I keep getting "smenita" for word verification: perhaps it's a sign. Anyways, I just wanted to share this with you, BP guy.

At least you know that there's a ladder, now that you're in that deep dark pit. People might borrow it and not put it back in the same place but it always, I mean ALWAYS, reappears. Trust in yourself and especially the people who love you, even if one of them thinks you're a dork. My family and responsibilities can bring me down at times, but they're the only things that can keep me going, too.

A recent surge of violence....

...but don't be afraid. Vox Verax is here to edify us.

childhood crushes

There was a blonde girl in kindergarten that I seem to remember walking halfway home with and giving all my cinnamon hearts to on Valentine's day. I can't for the life of me remember her name, though.

Why am I thinking about this? Last Tuesday was White Day, a holiday here in South Korea when boys (and men) are supposed to give candy to the gals that gave them chocolate on Valentine's day. Ella got a big candy heart lollipop from a boy at daycare but she was asking about her old boyfriend, Ahn Si-Yong, who she knew from her old daycare. So yesterday we went to visit her old daycare and there was Ahn Si-Yong, tubby as ever and acting shy. I think Ella likes him because he reminds her of Winnie-the-Pooh, but I haven't asked. I like him because whenever he saw me leaving for work in the evening as he was headed home with his mother, he always asked "Where's Ella?".

Now, having talked about that what I want to mention is this: there was a girl in grade one whose name I do remember.

I remember it so well that when I was in grade three and my teacher began to introduce a girl who would be joining our class I got all excited in a seven-year old kind of way (I skipped grade two) because her name was Nina. That turned out to be a different Nina. But I still remember her name and yesterday I did a search. Here is the original Nina, still as cute as ever. Click on the photo to see what she's been up to.

at least i don't smoke...

...but I do have some Cohibas and Panter Mignons stashed away in my freezer.


March 17th

I'd like to have seen that. When's the next marble going to expand? (The biggest bang of all. Apparently the universe was originally the size of a marble and then boom.)


Did they check his mind? I'm sure a lot of poison could have been found there. (No poison found in Milosevic's body, tribunal says.)


March 16th

alistair MacMartin from Toronto, Canada writes: It is such a relief to know that we have soldiers in Afghanistan 'destroying' the bad guys, as Captain Larose puts it. No more dithering - Canada is out there kicking ass. At last we can say to our neighbour, 'look at us, we're a real country just like you'.

That first post says so much, in all its (unintentional?) facetiousness. I find it uncanny how Canadians manage to elect a Bush administration patsy like Stephen Harper just as we're required to step up our military presence in Afghanistan so that more American sons, daughters, mothers and dads can shift over to Iraq for target practice. Funny how the world works. (Troops flex muscle in Taliban stronghold. I'm sure all the girls were impressed.)


Bob Kortright, how exactly did the virus get from east Asia to Africa? And does the U.S. test all the migratory birds in Alaska? If the strain is already present there, a much closer destination for migratory birds from China or Korea than Africa is, I might add, I give twelve weeks or even twelve days as my cautious estimate. It is only when the wildfowl reach highly populated areas such as Europe that the virus' presence in domesticated birds is finally detected. But nice try, Bob. I'm assuming you teach science? (Bird flu possible in Americas within 12 months, UN says.)


March 15th

We've got wads of cash; let's hire a lot of smart, educated people and see if we can make more. I think I can figure out where Google's headed... (Googlemania hits Waterloo.)


I'm still pondering something. The recent court-ordered settlement between the makers of the Blackberry and the patent holder who alleged infringement was in the millions of dollars. How many unhired employees does that equal? (Boom has tech grads mulling their options.)


March 14th

Herb Alpert has always had class. To be inducted along with Miles Davis into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and still be able to come up with a one-liner: you rock, Herb! (Crazy night at Rock Hall of Fame, too. Mr. Alpert mentioned something about a Bar Mitzvah.)


It's finally happened. A South Korean politician has shown more integrity than his Canadian counterpart. I'm seriously considering staying here in sunny Daegu, at least until Mr. Harper is out of office. (South Korea's golfing Prime Minister resigns. The only comment. Apparently no-one cares.)


Aahhhh. Now we know the winner. In case you missed it, I had the following comment posted over a week ago. There was only one other comment to the story at that time, by the way. (C.R.A.Z.Y. night at the Genies. I re-posted my comment which I'm assuming you've already read. Heck, if the Globe can recycle stories...they subsequently published two on the same day about Google at Waterloo. These comments are here in reverse chronological order, remember.)


March 13th

If amnesty was offered to all draft dodgers and deserters from the Vietnam conflict, why is Mr. Abney no longer entitled to it? Mr. Harper should be in Washington asking some very pointed questions instead of in Afghanistan pretending to be significant. (B.C. man nabbed at U.S. border for desertion. The comments on Harper's visit were closed. I've got to get my digs in somehow.)


It might be interesting to contrast this judge's culpability with that of others involved in mass slayings in Iraq.

"Baghdad — Car bombs — one detonated by a suicide attacker — and mortar rounds ripped apart two markets Sunday in a Shiite slum in Baghdad, killing at least 41 people and wounding 140. The carnage came after Iraqi politicians decided to move up the date to convene parliament, an indication of resolve to form a unity government." (Hussein-era judge says death sentences were fair. I can use unattributed quotes from the same newspaper in my comments, can't I? This ain't no poli-sci essay here.)


'We had lots of positive audience reaction about the universe these kids inhabit, the look of the show and the independent soundtrack,' says Leo. 'These are good things to build on.' Did anyone think it was funny? (The fresh face of CBC comedy? I'm still waiting for my phone call, Mr. Rabinovitch. By the way, I think I might have woken up early back in the day to make pastries with your daughter or niece, Daphna. This redhead guy from Vancouver and I used to have her in stitches.)


Let me be the first to congratulate a team that still finds the heart to make an effort, not unlike other professional squads in Toronto. Go Raptors! Go Leafs! (Raptors grab rare close win. Funnily enough, the only comment before they closed it.)


James Chipman, are you really a Leafs fan? In 1999 Mats Sundin captained his team to the Eastern Conference finals only to lose out to the Sabres and Hasek. The Leafs were in the conference finals again in 2002, this time against Carolina where they lost only one game in regulation, the other three being given up in overtime. Curtis Joseph was playing with an injured thumb. That's darn close, twice in three years. Please don't assume that real fans don't read comments posted to the Globe. (Leafs bolster playoff hopes. Chipman thought Gilmour's Leafs were the only ones that came close. He's got a thing against Europeans.)

We will not approve comments that include personal attacks on Globe journalists or other participants in these forums; comments that make false or unsubstantiated allegations; comments that purport to quote people or reports where the purported quote or fact cannot be easily verified... Could you please start applying these standards to comments about Canada's team, the Maple Leafs? (I just thought it needed pointing out.)

so-called fans...

...need to get out of town.

signs of spring part one

I could pay cash for this car.

taking the piss out of your cornflakes

Well, I managed to have fourteen messages posted to the Globe last week without even really trying, so here they are:


March 11th

Imperfect or fraudulent, you be the judge. I'm relieved that Google is settling for less than 1% of its recent revenue. I'm sure the rest could be donated to promote literacy in India or some other just cause. (Google to pay $90-million in 'click fraud' case. Otherwise known as "chump change".)


I'm glad that all the thousands of Canadian university graduates paying off their student loans working here in South Korea teaching English like me have managed to do our bit to keep the unemployment numbers in check. (Jobless rate matches 30-year low. Everyone else seemed to be discussing moving to Alberta. I prefer Korea, actually.)


March 9th

I remember the glory days of the Blue Jays, back-to-back World Series champions before the strike that killed the Expos' chances of earning their rings. But an all-Canadian team? What a concept! (Miracle on grass: Canada beats U.S. For some odd reason they closed the comments right after mine.)


March 8th

Perhaps Canada should adopt a screen quota system similar to the one in South Korea that was recently re-negotiated in a series of free trade talks with the U.S. Any given day at my local cinema here in Daegu there are at least five Korean films for every three foreign ones. The revised screen quota system requires cinemas to have a Korean film on each screen for at least 75 days a year. Imagine the wonders such a system would work in Canada. Then perhaps I could be rightfully proud of the booming film industry in Vancouver, Toronto and across the country. Let's see more acknowledged Canadian talent in our cinemas, from screenwriting and directing on down! $6.2 million is a joke, by the way, comparable to a $62 million take in the U.S. For many films, that's just a good first week! (Canadians crazy for C.R.A.Z.Y. I'm betting you haven't seen it either. There was only one other comment.)


My sympathies and condolences go out to Ms. Tanner's family and friends. It is especially difficult to lose a loved one overseas. I hope the investigation into her demise will assist in bringing at least a sense of closure. (Body of missing Canadian found in Germany. This one scared me as I recently discovered that a dear friend of mine has moved to Berlin. I had the only comment.)


How about another website for all us Canadians living 'overseas' to assist in explaining how Canadians and Americans are actually different? (Website aims to educate Americans about Canada. As usual, no-one seemed to catch my drift.)


March 7th

If the U.S. adsministration could just pull its head out of the dark place it's been and realize a) Iran fought a war against Saddam Hussein's Iraq, b) Russia fought against the Taliban and c) sustainable nuclear energy is in everyone's best interest, we might be halfway to a solution of this "crisis". (Iran bending on uranium enrichment. You really don't want to get me started on this one. I worked as a cook for two years with Iranian ex-soldier refugees who participated in human-wave attacks on Iraq during the eighties. Some fun.)


Regarding Andy Garrett post no. 8: considering the results of your last presidential election, the Michigan national guard would probably side with Canada, most likely in a coup beginning in of all places, Florida.

Sim O from Toronto: are there still Fenians in America? I thought they all wised up after the botched invasion during the War of 1812. And isn't there now some sort of independence from Britain for most of Ireland? As for Canada being a target of Osama et al., pay close attention to how Stephen Harper behaves. One wrong move in foreign policy and I'm afraid you might be right. (Israel: Hamas PM-designate not immune from killing. I've never before read so many comments from so many opinionated assholes.)


March 6th

I fully agree with Stephano Piaginno. Until I receive my own M.D., I am going to take my daughter's doctor at her word and have her vaccinated. She recently received her MMR booster, and all of her vaccinations have been given here in South Korea where I have to pay cash. I consider them a good investment. Ignorance and doubt are what lead to things like, dare I say it, the plague and SARS. When and if I happen to contract the avian flu virus, I'm not going to question the efficacy of Tamiflu. (Study finds big shortfall in childhood vaccinations. Just so you know.)


Ah, the Canadian Film Centre, another hotbed of nepotism and exclusion. Looks like you've already got your foot in the door, girl. Good on you! (A best actress at 10, she already wants to direct. The only other comment was also a zinger: PutDown Pete from Canada writes: Maybe she can phone Macalay Culkin for some tips on how to be COMPLETELY UNEMPLOYABLE by 25.)


Magic squares, prime numbers, useful for encryption schemes. Now, why do my encrypted e-mail address, blog registration and other signings-in require a PASSWORD? Sure, numbers are useful, but Benjamin Franklin was first and foremost a man of letters, forever to be remembered for Poor Richard's Almanac. How about his scientific experiments as well? It's a sad state of affairs when three men have to specialize so minutely to gain any recognition as researchers. Kudos on cracking Franklin's number square. Now provide us with some applications. (Magic math mystery solved at last.)

Peter Loly from Winnipeg, Canada writes: David Marshall attributes some statements in the last two paragraphs of the article to me, but my reading suggests that they are by my colleague Paul Pasles. Paul published a fine article on the history of Franklin squares. Colleagues Dame Kathleen Ollerenshaw and Professor David Bree in Manchester have a patent for using related squares in cryptography, and colleagues in Munich have another in the works. This resonants with Marshall's note. Also the simpler Latin squares have been used in statistical designs for a long time. Soduku is a special type of Latin square. (Is this a rebuttal?)


March 4th

Is it possible to order tinned baby seal meat? I'd like to try some. All the whale I've eaten in Pusan, South Korea has been delicious. And I particularly adore lamb chops. The alligator I had in Texas was a little like chicken in an unusual way, but easily much tastier than rabbit. As for buffalo or bison burgers, I can take them or leave them. Quail, on the other hand, doesn't have nearly enough meat and duck is a little greasy. Perhaps if I could get my hands on some free-range Canada goose... (Premier faces off against ex-Beatle. Comment 175 of 230. Someone must have been watching Larry King.)


Yes indeed, marijuana has more medical benefits than booze. Alcohol triggers depression or psychosis; marijuana triggers mania, psychosis AND schizophrenia. (B.C. pot activist says 60 Minutes will show his real self. I consider this one a right-field fly.)

unbounded ignorance

There have been a lot of negative comments about the Leafs posted to the Globe and Mail recently, but I have chosen to take issue with this one. Bear me out, please.

Tim Johnston from windsor, Canada writes: Bleecchhh!!!!! I couldn't watch this game after the second period. The refs were unbelievable. It's as though the NHL had given them explicit instructions to make sure Toronto is not out of the playoff race too soon. The phantom penalities that were called left me incredulous. I guess in their desperation to keep this once-proud sport from falling into oblivion (which they brought about themselves by deep-sixing fighting), they need to keep their most popular teams in the playoff hunt for a few more measly weeks by calling disgraceful obstruction penalties at every turn. What should only have made me feel like I was watching an Olympic field hockey game made me feel like I was watching a pathetic WBC boxing match. The fix is in. Let's go Arena Football!!!!


Let's look back at two games played on February 28th, shall we? Toronto vs. Washington and Montreal vs. the Islanders. In each of these games excessive amounts of penalties were called. Against Washington, Toronto drew seven two-minute penalties in the third period alone yet managed to notch the only goal in the last twenty minutes of the game. Washington had two minor penalties during the same span and went on to win 5-3. Montreal defeated the Islanders by the same score, 5-3, and had only three minor penalties in the third period compared to six for New York. New York scored three goals in their attempt at a comeback while Montreal only managed to score two in the last period of play. Tim Johnston, stick with Arena Football and leave hockey to the real fans.

the leafs


les habs

no love lost

Were Harold Ballard still alive, anyone playing for the Leafs would need to take out Canadian citizenship, and then the entire team could head over to the Olympics en masse. Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton and especially Ottawa fans can eat my shorts. Montreal fans, bite me!

commentations

Maybe my compulsive behaviour is taking a sideline to all the free time I've wasted over the past two weeks, but commenting at the globe and mail just doesn't do it for me anymore. These may be the last you'll have to peruse or plod through.

March 2nd

They've started baking peanuts into pizza crusts at Pizza Hut Korea, contaminating all of their pizzas with the fatal allergen. Some people are just plain ignorant of severe health issues, aren't they. (Enzyme offers clue to peanut fatalities.)


Juan Alvarez, you must have seen that movie. You know, the one with Johnny Depp as an Irishman and Juliette Binoche as a single mother. I eat chocolate because it tastes good. (M-m-m-m, chocolate.)


Toby Smith pulled out due to media pressure. What an understatement. You actually have to live in South Korea to understand how xenophobic and racist the media is here. Toby Smith is the only story since he's the only competitor that can (dis) honestly be considered Korean. Does anyone recall what happened to Anton Ohno a few years back when he tried to compete in a short-track event? South Korea should never be allowed to host a winter Olympics until they acknowledge and rectify their manifold shortcomings when it comes to extending fair play and sportsmanship in international competitions to the media coverage. Also, why not try to add a second sport to your Winter Olympic roster, South Korean Olympic Committee? (Heil backs up Olympic gold with World Cup win. First and only comment, they were shut down quick after this one!)


March 1st

I trust that all the U.S., Afghani and Pakistani forces 'on the hunt' won't end up shooting each other in the face. (Bush makes surprise visit to Afghanistan. Bush claimed they were 'on the hunt' for bin Laden.)


As a custodial single father, it's the actual visits my five-year old makes to her non-child-support-paying mother that allow me a modicum of time to myself for socialising, sleeping in and other such luxuries. Virtual visitation is for making rich folks feel less guilt. ('Virtual visits' for children of divorce urged in some states. I seem to be getting the last word quite often these days.)


February 28th

Let's see: Saddam Hussein is currently standing trial and facing the death penalty for allegedly ordering the executions of 128 people in 1982. Let's just put that into perspective.
Since the death penalty was reintroduced in 1976, 1000 Americans have been executed. Britain recently buried its 100th soldier killed in action in Iraq. 52 individuals were killed by bombs over the past few days in Baghdad. I hope everyone is still convinced of Saddam's intense guilt and culpability. I'm not. (Baghdad bombings kill at least 56. What's four dead bodies more or less?)


February 27th

I'm still bugging out at the light frequencies my screen is emitting. Perhaps I could comment later? (Tune in, turn on . . . evolve?)


Ahhhhh, news. (George Michael arrested on drug charges: report.)


“For the new business model I figured out how to get testimonials and generated tons of them, and could generate tons more of authentic testimonials if I wanted to,” he said. Sounds like a pyramid scheme. What a clever guy. (Phony jobs websites closed.)


How many Inuit are actually indigenous to the greater Vancouver-Whistler area? Wouldn't Haida or Tshimshian imagery be more appropriate? Or did somebody realize that Vancouver doesn't generally get a lot of snow? (Arrivederci, Turin. Just stating the obvious, really.)


February 24th

Wireless internet is about as useless as a mobile phone. When was the last time you really needed one? Think about it, please. And stop sending those text messages while you're at it. Can anyone say ADD? (Someone took issue!)

Regarding what Anthony Henley from Oshawa, Ontario, Canada wrote: Gordon Foster, Post #26: Internet in general is essential for any of my classes. We have online readings and even online textbooks (imagine that) at my university. Without wireless internet, it would be impossible for everyone on campus to be accessing the online resources they need. We have wired access at every seat in lecture halls and classrooms, but outside class there is only so much space to add wired ports. As for the ADD comment that you made, that is a totally tasteless thing to say. For everyone saying tution and education dollars should be better spent: this is saving money! Wireless is far less expensive than wired access!

Should I just begin by refuting all of this nonsense? Online textbooks are not textbooks, if they have not been published previously in book form. If they have, the book itself is necessary for referencing footnotes, is it not? Where will the online versions be for reference ten or twenty years from now? On an illegal CD-ROM copy? It might be a little difficult for the students who cannot afford wifi laptops to access all the information they need. Mentioning ADD is not tasteless, and persistent text messaging could be a symptom of more advanced psychological problems, as it is compulsive behaviour. As for wifi being cheaper, if the university is already wired any additional services would be de facto more expensive. Let me know when you graduate, by the way. I might be able to direct you to a job here in Korea that could assist you in paying off your apparently massive student loans. (Lakehead says no way to wireless. I hope he appreciated the earful.)


When are the trials set to begin in Canada? My mother's condition is worsening. (Antibiotic, creatine hold Parkinson's hope, study suggests. I had the second, last comment.)


Mr. Wozniak, how awkward you look on that Segway. A more fitting hobby might be soapbox racing, because coasting is all you seem to have been doing recently. A simple improvement to the iPod might be an embedded stereo microphone for recording. There. Now you owe me one. (What the other Steve is saying about Apple's striking resurgence. I'm waiting for the phone call.)


Having not been in North America to witness all the media hype, perhaps the article could include some information as to the nature of the work in question, other than the simple statement that it is a partially fabricated memoir. I'm sure if I lied about my past in print it would not draw so much attention. For the benefit of the non-cognoscenti amongst us, what is 'A Million Little Pieces' about, please? (Frey dropped by publisher. Someone from Edmonton actually obliged with the next comment!)

paul childs from edmonton, Canada writes: Poster #2: it's about 400 pages. Hah! Actually, I think the plot could be summed up as; man spends 15 years messed up on sundry drugs, goes to detox... (Thanks, Paul!)


Dear Robert,

Do you think any of the celebrities would notice if you packed up the films and screened them in a different location next year? You could inform the directors, actors, producers and their invited guests, and try to select a town that doesn't get to see a lot of the little gems that you are promoting. The audience might be even more receptive.

Sincerely,

Gordon
(Sundance 'almost at a breaking point,' Redford says.)

Lawrence Crofton from Mississauga, Canada writes: No matter where it moves, it'll remain as much of a zoo as it is now. It's a victim of its own success. Having spent a weekend at Sundance 2 years ago, it's as nutso on the main drag of Park City as it seems on all the 'entertainment news' shows. And Gord, the audiences at Sundance are (for the most part) there for the films despite the media attention that's paid to the celebs. (Maybe I'll get there one day.)


Perhaps now the Memorial Cup winners will get a chance to compete at the Olympics again. Or maybe a good university squad. But wait, aren't all our best players studying at U.S. colleges? Isn't something structurally wrong with the amateur hockey system for men's hockey? Women's hockey seems to be holding up better, but with half of the players on the national team at American colleges as well, where is the Canadian element? Personally, I hope Mr. Gretzky and his ilk never get invited to another Olympics. He never went as an amateur, if I recall correctly. Let's try to get the Olympics back to their original spirit, and get the U.S. to cease and desist it's illegal occupation of foreign nations for at least three weeks if it wants to participate. Weren't the Moscow games boycotted for very similar reasons? (Hockey fails CBC. Funnily enough, everyone wanted to comment about the CBC coverage.)


Rob C: I agree, it isn't a sport. It is damn beautiful and highly entertaining, however. If you fall down, you lose. Period. Why silver and bronze were awarded to two stumble-bums I'll never figure out. Did anyone watch the Chinese pairs skater crack her knee in the long skate and come back to complete her program? Now that was outstanding. Congratulations to Arakawa, by the way. She does appear extremely elegant in the medal ceremony photo. I wish her all the success in her next competitions, so that this gold will seem still more justified over time. (Elegant Arakawa outduels favourites. And looks extra fine!)


Some professional athletes stank up the ice. It's happened before. (Team Canada: what went wrong and what can be done. 'nuff said.)

until they build a better biscuit

this one suits me fine


when you wish upon a star
don't tell what your wishes are
walk back slowly to the car
seal your wish up in a jar

place it on a shelf of hope
in your cold cellar of dreams

think that all is as it seems

ella takes a stroll

the disappointments when no-one's there to meet you
establish a geographical appreciation for moments

boundaries emerge

where's everybody gone?

This blog logged a thousand clicks last Friday, but in the five days since then there've been only forty, half of which might be mine just checking the layout of my recent posts. Do you all hate poetry so much? Only two more days to suffer through until the slam. I was actually at the open mic last night with Ella but I finished my Cooper's stout and Ella was getting really sleepy and it was already after ten but nothing had started yet, so we just came home. Ella fell asleep in the taxi. Maybe I'll sing my new song at the slam if there are any allowances made for musical interludes.


beer renders one invincible
convincible

omnipotent
nigh impotent

lugubrious and dubiously qualified
to read poems




I've got a whack of poems and a cover letter ready to mail off to Seamus Heaney c/o Faber and Faber, by the way. Can I hear a "get right on that, gord" ?