something funny happened...

...on the way to the mok yok tang. I wonder if it's any good.




giddy and glum were number one chums
like the cats and the twins
they were joined at the thumbs

giddy and glum went out to the show
they finished their drinks and sat in the back row

giddy and glum do not like where they're at
they've kindly asked carmen to take off her hat

during the blackout just as the show's starting
giddy and glum stumble over some chairs
the audience shushes and shoos their departing
glum starts to grumble "as if someone cares"
giddy says "now, now" and flashes a smile
to silence curmudgeon whose foot he's just trod...

open mic

It's a brae bricht open mic the morn's nicht, and I've written a song for it.
If you want to know the chords, Dave, leave a comment!


Everything's Fine


early this morning i watched the sun come up
i took a sip of tea from my favourite cup
there was no need to worry about how things were going to go today

'cause everything's fine
i know what's mine
and the rest of the world can just run along to play


late at night i'm sleepless and i'm watching the skies
i see a meteor burn out right in front of my eyes
i'd like to make a wish but i can't think of a thing to say

cause everything's fine
i know what's mine
and the rest of the world can just dissolve to gray


sitting with you in the afternoon
stirring at my coffee with a plastic spoon
it's always good to see you and it seems you always want to stay

'cause everything's fine
i want to make you mine
so you'll never have to leave and i'll never have to go away

team canada

between the rivers where the cinders coalesce into architecture
and the smoke metamorphoses a million dreams into nightmare shades
where vision fades long before the horizon
and nestled in cubicles autocratic entrepreneurs strive
hourly replenishing their phantasms and addled ambitions
with trampled, casked, fermented, distilled and bottled desperation

here the flesh is rendered impalpably insignificant
here the eyes rotate in their sockets and bore through the backs of skulls
yet retrospection cannot encompass or decipher
the enormity of the situation this predicament is in

comments are open

Friday has become comment day again by default this week. I'm at the beginning of a two week vacation and I'm bored. I was in Seoul for two days so there's only eighteen, possibly nineteen. Some of them are longer, though. I'll also add a poem at the end so let's get started!


February 23rd

They sure don't make movies like Octopussy anymore...what a shame. (Moore defends beleaguered Bond heir.)


Here's a different kind of song for you. I sang it last year at the Free Times cafe on College St. in Toronto. Sorry you missed it. no cop is afraid of a man with a gun for there's safety in numbers and what's done is done no cop would think twice about risking his life for the good of the nation, his child and his wife no cop is corrupt, they are all peaceful men and they help the downtrodden again and again no cop accepts money for service, or bribes but they pocket their pensions for the rest of their lives no cop is a martyr, they are all mercenary if you want to help people you don't need a salary i've seen poor people give, i've seen poor people save i've seen poor people lifted down into a grave but the cops they are rich, and the cops they are strong and so when four cops die let's ALL sing them a song so you carried a gun and you wore a felt hat and some dude shot you dead, that's enough about that Sorry if I caused offense, but that is the point. Sometimes it's difficult to get people to think. What was the name of the farmer who died? Anyone remember? And what was he charged with? (Art, in the line of duty. My response to the first angry comment is still pending.)


J F from Ottawa, learn to count. Canada beat Germany, Italy and the Czechs and lost to Russia, Finland and Switzerland. That equals 3-3. Now tell me how Mats Sundin can score two goals against Switzerland while Dany Heatly nets nary a point. Against three separate teams. In the Olympics. Watch the Senators slide for the rest of the season, and then keep on criticising Pat Quinn to your heart's content. I'll be smiling. (Canadian men's hockey team heads home. What a dedicated Leafs fan I am. It sure helps not living in Toronto.)


Back-to-back shutout losses for the Canadian team hint at a well-organized quarterfinal placement strategy as well. Let's see how they do against Russia.

I retract that previous comment. Could they please start scraping the crap off the ice before it freezes? (Cloud over Team Sweden won't go away. These two comments were posted during the first period and then immediately after the loss to Russia.)


February 22nd

Martha Stewart seems a class act, while Trump comes off as excessively brash. I'd rather be invited to the Stewart mansion for luncheon than taken out on the town by Donald and his trophy wife, if I had my druthers. (War of words continues between Trump, Stewart. I was sure 'druthers' would be a word of the day, but disappointments seem to abound this week. Except as far as the ladies are concerned, that is.)


Pierce seems so upset about not being able to play James Bond for the umpteenth time. I hope the petition works. Then Daniel Craig could fade into the oblivion of interesting roles with well-written dialogue that he so richly deserves. (Angry Bond fans threaten boycott.)


Any activity that relies on judging to decide the outcome of a competition is not, in my mind, a sport. That includes boxing, by the way. (Ice dance judging shuffle draws concern. Jean-francois from Toronto chose to remind me that ice hockey referees can greatly influence the outcome of a game. Doesn't he realise I'm a leafs fan?)


February 20th

“I feel that that's a very short-sighted, very partisan, very narrow position to put forward before Parliament's even begun.”
If the NDP is accusing the Liberals of something, they should try consistency. Let's not talk about partisan and short-sighted, coming from the party that helped force an election in hopes of garnering more seats at the expense of their coalition parthers, both federally and once upon a time against the Tories in Ontario. And is it any surprise that the seperatists want to support the Reformistes in driving a once-great country into the ground? Welcome back Mulroney. Wake up Canada! (Bloc plans to prop up Harper's minority. Now that the election's over and done with it's time to lapse back into political incoherency, don't you think?)


Why is math called maths in Britain? As an EFL teacher, I'd really like to know.
Seriously, the applied sciences in the fine arts and general arts programs possess import as well. Literature and history, painting, dance and film also require logic and reasoning. Not to mention foreign languages. How many accountants and astrophysicists do we really need? (Math crisis? What crisis? This comment was posted three days after I submitted it, and second to last. The last comment was from Laura Findlay in the UK, but she ignored my question as she submitted hers before mine. Someone must be screwing around with the posts!)


February 17th

"If it were to melt in its entirety, this ice would release such a torrent of water that sea level would rise by seven metres in the world's oceans, inundating almost every major coastal city in the world. No one is predicting such a deluge, which would take a millennium even in the most pessimistic assessments of the impact of global warming."
Aw, go on. Do we have to wait five hundred years? (Rapid melt shrinks Greenland's ice cap. Such lurid prose!)


Good thing I never use my administrator's password, as it's really unecessary for my purposes. I also prefer Skype to iChat, which I've actually never run. When Make-a-fee or Microflaccid start manufacturing their own hardware, I might give them a second glance. As it stands, my iPod Shuffle and G3 laptop suit me just fine. (First Mac virus found in wild.)


The Wheat Sheaf, King St. W., and Gabby's, King St. E. Leave no stone unturned, oh intrepid beer marketing scandal reporter.

Didn't the Marlboro man die of cancer? (Beer icon's the buzz of bars. I was wondering where the pith was hiding.)


Couldn't you have padded the article out a bit more for the sake of the legions of Madonna fans: young, old, gay, straight, Scottish, kabbala devotees, et al. ? (Madonna has hernia surgery.)


I regret missing Jeff's televised performances. Congratulations! (Buttle wins bronze in men's figure skating. I couldn't bring myself to make him the Buttle of a joke.)


'I don't want to get hurt for the rest of the National Hockey League season.' Aw, come on, suck it up for the place that spawned you. The Sens fans will be turning on you soon enough. (Hasek heads back to Ottawa.)

J Dawg from Atlanta, United States writes: I agree with comment 6...or in the words of my favorite former Leaf, OH BOO HOO... (Yours truly had comments six and seven. :)

attn: Hank Shymchuk. I'd rather be pulling for other internet content, but live and let live. (Hank is pulling for Dominik. I can't believe they let this one through!)


$50.00 over the past few years works out to maybe three dollars a month. Yes, indeed, I'd rather have my money back than be able to use my cell phone if I'm ever stranded on the Trans-Canada Highway. (CRTC vetoes repayment. Why do I care? I don't own a cell phone or a car, or live in Canada for that matter. Maybe it's the lazy, selfish Canadian attitude that I've been noticing for the past ten years, as evidenced by the men's olympic hockey team. Nice place to visit, though.)


And now for that poem...which one should it be? How about a Gordian sonnet?


anne-marie's the one for me
she doesn't what she ought to be
and isn't apt to either see
or be seen without revelry
so, as the cloud is by the tree
and as the fish is by the sea
as the dog is by the flea
i'm tickled by you, anne-marie

the grass is full of scaly snakes
and way up north there's lots of lakes
in every snowball, plenty flakes
in every bakery there's cakes
if life has only one mistake
you are the one i'd rather make

what a tool

I was strolling in Seoul on Tuesday, on my way from Changdeokgung palace to Namsan, when I passed by several tool shops with wonderful winches and other fantastic gadgets. I remembered seeing a poster at Costco for a new Bosch cordless driver-drill so decided to make some inquiries. As it turned out, the shop I visited had several in stock and I purchased one for 33 000 won, or about forty dollars Canadian. It was packaged in a cookie tin!


i understand eating and sleeping, work and play
i thought i understood love
i'm beginning to understand understatement
i knew what hate meant and of late i recall mutual affections
cemented in basements
so that's where my youth went
my judgment of truth and deceptions is bent out of shape
there's no question of faith anymore
dreams greet me like double boiled coffee at seven am

what is it with this poetry thing?

Apparently the poetry slam that I was looking forward to next Monday has been postponed until the first weekend of March. I'll be posting a poem a day until then in my own on-line poetry slapdashery. Let me know what you think of them, by all means!


friends may come and friends may go
but the guys i know from etobicoke
all left their marks like piss on snow
or beer and smoke the next morning

some left and made it some left and died
some were fulfilled and some denied
but i still get a charge from the ones who got fried
playing air guitar in the rain

best duds and beautiful satin

Life on the Roof has posted some wedding pictures. I've posted a Heidegger-inspired poem from several years back. Congratulations, and I'll be taking you up on that slide-show offer one day.


the festal groom all bedecked in berries goes
altar clad the happy lad, til dad til dead he will be wed

singing

a worlding we will go
a worlding we will go
heigh-ho to marry oh
a worlding we will go

music in your day

I found this Robert Cray video at Vox Verax.

cooking up something

Habanero Suz is planning her purchase of a new stove, which reminded me of this poem I wrote while doing time as a garde manger at the Avocado Club just off Queen St. W. in Toronto. I was working my way through university. The photo displays my current cooking facilities. How the mighty have fallen...


four cooks stand in line
they say "behind"
four stations mind
grill, saucier, hot apps and mine
i serve cold salads and desserts
we wear white cotton pants and shirts
aprons also can be seen
they keep our knives and fingers clean

at six the printer is turned on
and we begin to get the chits
requiring us to cook anon
we sometimes are quite prone to fits
of outrage at the imbecilic
waiting staff and their moronic
witless way of ordering

no-one likes the way i sing

peek-a-boo

i know it's a craze
but in soft summer hazes
the lazy have nothing to do
i'll stop by the shop
where the bikes are all chopped
and i'll stay there an hour or two
then i'll go for a beer
and i'll tell them all "here
is the place on my arm where it's done"
it's a rose
and who knows
if it all goes okay
who's to say if i'll stop at just one

i'll go home and groan as i sit there alone
"what is this that i've done to my skin?"
perhaps i was fated to buy inline skates
maybe i'm not cut out to fit in
the guys at the bull still all seem unimpressed
whenever i'm cycling by
though i roll up my sleeve there's no way to deceive
i perceive all the scorn in their eyes

the money i spent
could have gone towards rent
or purchased a second hand amp
there's just nothing for it
i'll try to ignore it
it could have been made with a stamp
the pain i went through
just to get a tattoo
no, i don't think that i'll get another
but now that it's there
i'll pretend i don't care
and be glad that it doesn't say "mother"

contextual analysis

Twenty-eight. Read 'em all.


February 16th

rm r from South Bend: With all sincerity, aren't you a nationally syndicated columnist and if not, then why not? Your well-stated views and observations are a breath of fresh air. (Math crisis? What crisis? I think this is important.)


'This is a topic that's so central to dialogue today. I think it's important that films raise questions, even if we don't have answers to them.' 'Good question. I don't know,' would have sufficed, Natalie. (Portman storms the Berlinale.)


February 15th

South Korea, a fully-fledged modern democracy, does the same thing to North Korea without any help from a search-engine. And America or Canada for that matter have their own restrictions about what you can access. Perhaps the Chinese frown a bit on sedition. So it goes. (Google censorship breaks hearts.)


Somebody pass the mic to Mike: "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine." It's funny how nobody cares about things like this. I guess that's how Europe got wiped out by rats several hundred years ago. (Iraq declares avian flu alert in southern province. Two days later, still the only comment.)


Gary Averbach, I do concur. My paternal grandparents thrived into their mid-eighties, my maternal grandmother lived to 97, yet my maternal grandfather died at 59. Therefore I have a 1 in 4 chance of deceasing before retirement. Those are all the odds I need to continue choosing a healthy lifestyle. (When will the Boomers die? Take this test.)


'Not every day needs to be about the Prime Minister,' he said. 'What does everyone expect him to be, some kind of leader?', he might have added. (Why has Stephen Harper stayed out of sight?)


Of course the satisfied customer is from Ottawa. Paying for advertising is more than a little like paying for sex. If you have to buy it, you're got to be desperate. (Gauging 'click fraud'. There's more...)

And of course slippy first bounds no ignorance. A good product with an aware mature market does not require advertising. Car manufacturers and fast food enterprises must advertise because nobody really needs that crap. And if you insist that Toyota cars are excellent I won't disagree. They are also one of the most expensive methods of transportation, short of owning your own airplane. (People started mentioning me by name again on this one. Say my name, say my name...)

I still prefer "schaden freude". (Somebody thought 'click fraud' sounded German.)

j Mac from Canada writes: I'll have to agree with Slippy on Gordon Foster's lack of acumen. Good products and services benefit from effective advertising campaigns and methods. Advertising is simply communication with a specific goal attached, be it through radio, billboard, internet site, word of mouth,a logo, a storefront sign. By his reasoning everything that can be commodified is crap. Let's have an example of "a good product with an aware mature market" that doesn't engage in some sort of advertising (of course if he mentions the product then in effect he is advertising it).

(I did submit a response to this personal challenge but sadly it remains lost in cyberspace. I think I mentioned something about effective labeling and 'Maudite'. I guess that beer brand name is considered swearing by the language police.)


February 14th

"In the light of the current situation and given our experience last year, we wanted at all costs to avoid having Montreal again project an incoherent image internationally with the holding of various competing festivals." Just stick to an incoherent national image and you'll be alright. (New Montreal Film Festival fizzles into oblivion. This, of course, was not considered offensive.)


I'm starting to wonder why it's the women who are persevering to medal and the men who keep on floundering. And where were the Canadians in the pairs figure skating? Not even a single Canadian flag on the leaders board when the medals were awarded. (Canada wins cross-country silver. Oh, lympics!)


Regime change? The U.S. administration isn't so stupid as to attempt something like that now, is it? (Hamas assails U.S. for reportedly seeking regime change.)


I can hardly wait for the WHL season to start up again so we can all welcome back our gold-medal winners! (Canadian women bound for semis. My tongue was where?)


Who's liable for the illnesses and deaths of the numerous people who did not contract HIV through a blood transfusion? Are they going to be charged as well? Life just isn't safe. (Blood trial on verge of collapse. Go ahead, call me a radical lefty.)


February 13th

Bandwagon, chuckwagon; I don't see any difference. (Calgary magazine to reprint cartoons. I got in early at number 112.)

shawn bull from Canada writes: Hi. No that's all I have to say cause I have not had anything posted today. Sorry Globe, I will be more left leaning in my comments. (Number 124)

Hi, Shawn. Why not attempt posting on a string with zero to few comments? Works like a charm almost every time. (Number 156. The grand total of comments here was... drum roll please... 171)


If Wawa can become a character in a coproduction, why can't Toronto even get into the auditions? (From Wawa to the Berlinale. The only comment, I kid you not.)

Here's hoping Heart of Gold makes it over to South Korea. (Pink Panther strikes again. Once again, the only comment. Can I pick 'em?)


It appears that no one actually witnessed Forsyth's crash, unlike Kildow's which is described in detail. What gives? (Canadian Forsyth crashes in downhill practice. One of three.)


Not everyone's "brain troubles" begin in mid-life, but I see what the study is driving at. Yes, there must be some mechanism that makes it difficult for middle-aged people to stay tuned in to what's going on. Now if we could only fix it. Personally, I don't see this as a problem. Wisdom and other mental strengths associated with aged persons derive from contemplation. What is so important about focusing solely on the task at hand? Knowledge and experience are only beneficial when the mind can access them. Now, if our society no longer values wisdom, knowledge, experience, contemplation, considered judgements and the like, that's a completely different issue. As for an iPod; how different is it really from a portable AM radio? Those were around in the fifties. (Brain troubles begin in mid-life: study. One of two.)


This is Wonderland, good riddance. The mentally ill recurring characters often used as comic foils were despicable, and an embarassment to anyone with a shred of compassion. (Two acclaimed CBC dramas to be cancelled. The other was Da Vinci's City Hall.)

Mitchell Leitman, you really should check out Boston Legal. Now that show has some dignity. (You too, Dave.)


It might be interesting to note that the President of Korea who was in power during the massacre of civilians in the city of Kwangju on May 18th, 1980 never faced the death penalty. That massacre is an historical fact and is commemorated every year. That the South Korean president never stood trial might have something to do with the fact that tens of thousands of American troops were stationed in South Korea at the time and did nothing to prevent the mass slaying. Can anyone say double-standard loud enough? (Saddam Hussein forced to attend trial.)

Simon Fogel from T Dot, Canada writes: Just goes to show Bush never cared about freeing Iraq to begin with. If they really wanted to get rid of Saddam they would've done so years ago. He's been in captivity for over 2 years, he's obviously guilty. How many more innocent people must die before it's all worthwhile? How much more blood must be shed? Comments 1-3 said it perfectly, this war is a sham. A big fat mass grave-inducing sham that's cost 150,000 innocent people their lives. (I had comment number two. Glen Macmillan had one and three. Thank you, Simon. It's funny how none of us use pseudonyms, isn't it?)


Poor Mr. Whittington. And people thought friendly fire was an oxymoron. I guess the oxy bit is no longer required. (But wait! Someone took offense!)

Michael VanOrsdale: that an elderly man, and your vice-president at that, has to go out and shoot his own food and the biggest game he can flush out is a quail is humorous in and of itself. (Cheney shoots pal in hunting accident.)


February 11th

Not to be hateful or hurtful, but aren't Canadian demographics significantly affected by immigration? People becoming Canadian as adults may not have benefitted from the same cancer-prevention measures as other Canadians. I'd like to see a study on that. (Why U.S. reached a cancer tipping point first.)


I've discovered that a happy divorce is preferable to an unhappy marriage. My daughter is sleeping soundly as I type this. (Marital conflict beats up kids.)


February 10th

My sap runs for the twelve ancient trees, but perhaps their numbers were already up. This warming trend has got to stop, however. Speaking as a man on the hirsute side, may I just say it's getting a little uncomfortable. (It's a warm world, after all. They measured the width of tree rings, back 1200 years.)


That's all, folks!

misplaced faces/limerick couplet

i've never owned a computer
i store all my thoughts in my head
and if i'm desirous
to hack out a virus
i sneeze in my hanky instead

i've never owned a computer
i can't stand the tapping of keys
i'd rather drop acid
than feed microflaccid
no thanks to your techno disease

the faces of gord

another poem

the women upstairs are in the full booming bloom of their first boyfriends
i expect the fallout to be tremendous when the creaking stops
and don't wish to be around to witness it

i have found celibacy, or rather it has found me while
the woman on my floor is kept up nights by her cat,
her nerves, and her flights of fancy
all of which are more real than metaphor
and conspire against her with more
constancy than any man could claim

below us are the woeful ones
who are blessed with too many trundled hearts
or too few

born a taurus, i aspire to assassinations
hornier than aries yet a bit too sharp
and headstrong for most damsels
or ladies in waiting

i shall hasten to spain next april
and shoulder a norwegian
or else gore her in the attempt

i long for a garland on my forehead
and "i want to fuck fuck fuck fuck you"
whispered in my ear in the fairest accent
i have ever known

oh! to be incautious now that spring is here

about last weekend

As you may gather from these photos, Ella and I had some fun. On Saturday we were invited to dinner by Sue's parents, and as always her mother prepared a delicious meal which we ate at the kitchen table this time. It seems she knows something about children having raised two daughters and a son. They are now proud grandparents of a beautiful six-month old baby girl named Gayeon. Ella and I were surprised as we hadn't expected Sue's sister and niece to be there. Ella likes babies, and as it happens so do I. Now, I have to say that Ella's parents are about the most pleasant couple I have ever met. They even seem to have an infinite amount of patience with Sue, who is pushing thirty in the most delightful way but is as yet unmarried and unemployed. She is studying to become a teacher but had some difficulties with her exams last year. Sue's dad is extremely fond of Ella and the feelings are mutual. Sue's mom takes an interest in Ella's education and development and we had a surprisingly long conversation about my situation, and Sue's. If Sue hadn't just told me how rosy things are with her boyfriend I'm afraid I might start getting ideas. A nicer set of in-laws would be hard to find.

On Sunday Ella and I attended an English Village festival, organized to fall on the first full moon day of the lunar year. There was a quiz contest for elementary and middle school students who are attending the language institute where one of my students teaches. She invited us to be there, and we especially enjoyed the traditional Korean games. Ella liked running around with a boy about her age from the next table, and I enjoyed the good-natured competition between our table and the others. The buffet was excellent and we returned home a bit tired with balloons, hats, ribbons, flowers, rice-cake and even a prize!

some things i'd forgotten

Well, I've been tagged. I've gotten myself involved in some conversations on a blog maintained by a fellow human being who happens to share my diagnosis. Nothing scary here, it's just that ever since I was seventeen I've known that I have a bi-polar affective psychiatric disorder, formerly known as manic depression. Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain both sang about it in their own way so perhaps it's more prevalent in Seattle than Toronto. I've outlived both of those icons so that at least gives me some sense of accomplishment. The task at hand, however, is not to describe the disease but to delineate the signs that have alerted me to an incipient manic state. Here goes:

1. Imagining that perhaps I was the one to save that pretty blonde-haired girl I had once made out with, and bicycling all night to reach her home after recording a cassette of soothing guitar sounds. Waiting until seven am to knock on her door, and climbing in the open living room window after her mother went to work. I'm sure she was terrified. I left when she politely threatened to call out to the workmen across the street for help. Afterwards following a funeral on my bicycle and arriving home to find my entire family missing. Cutting off my ponytail with garden shears and walking barefoot to the police station. It seems my parents had just driven my grandmother to the airport.

2. Staying awake all night rearranging small and larger objects in my parents' home into exceedingly precarious piles.

3. Insisting my mother drive me to visit the younger sister of an ex-girlfriend and dropping what I considered an engagement ring into her teacup, very significantly.

4. Becoming distraught and angry when none of my high school friends were at any of the bars downtown on a Tuesday night and throwing a potted tree from a grocery store through the window of a donut shop at two guys who I thought had been laughing at me.

5. Kicking the rear door window out of a police car as I was being driven to the station the day before an important exam. I had tried to get my soon-to-be completely ex-girlfriend to talk to me by clasping her shoulders at arms-length. No injuries as none were intended but still assault, I was informed.

6. Flying to London and then to Brussels by bus to meet with a choreographer who I had assumed was interested in my sculptural ideas. Seeing a photo of myself waiting for the ferry afterwards and realising how loopy I had been.

7. Any number of drunken sexual liaisons with women who knew I was only there for the intercourse.

8. Driving a fifteen year-old BMW into the ground while pretending I had a future in music videos.

The scary thing really is that a lot of my manic episodes still veered a little too closely into the realm of the real.

a weekend social life

It seems that forces are conspiring to provide me with a social life. Yesterday evening Ella and I went for dinner with my last evening class. Afterwards we went for beer at a nearby hof. Ella had ice cream and inhaled the fruit plate, specifically the strawberries and pineapple. This evening we're visiting Suhee's parents for the first time since 2004, and I'll finally deliver the bison pemmican with saskatoon berries that I picked up in Saskatoon last summer. Suhee asked me to bring back some jerky for her dad from Canada. Speaking of synchronicity, Suhee just called to say her mom's expecting us and not to forget! Tomorrow afternoon one of my students has invited Ella and I to an English festival hosted by the language institute where she teaches. There'll be presentations and competitions and food! I had to get my laundry and cleaning done this morning, and get my groceries this afternoon. My weekend hasn't been so jampacked since I don't know when. There are even two leafs games to listen to. If there's no post tomorrow you'll know why.

textorama

I've decided to start espousing the pithy comment, as fourteen posted in one week are quite a few to get through.


February 9th

Luckily enough for Japan, it seems they are a net importer of beef. Or am I mistaken? (Japan to destroy 45 cows suspected of having mad cow disease.)


I've got a cartoon of god with his finger up his arse. Would anyone like to see it? (Controversial cartoons published in PEI. Now was that really necessary?)


Please, oh please, oh pretty please: these election thingamabobs are so much fun, can't we have another one real soon? (Emerson rejects call for resignation. He crossed the floor to become a minister in the new cabinet.)


Taste requires funds but not vice versa. (Edmonton's beauty under siege. I think it's a human disinterest story.)


February 8th

I'm not for a tax, but how about a paperback edition? I'd snap that one up. As far as the financial woes go, my sympathies. Never to have had millions is one thing, but to have had them and lost is so much more. Sort of similar to Mr. Cohen's attitude towards the ladies. I am glad he has found happiness with Ms. Adjani. All we really need is one good woman, isn't that right Mr. Cohen? (Leonard Cohen: Renaissance man. Someone suggested an unofficial poet laureate tax instead of just buying his new book.)


Perhaps if Mr. Harper had been successful in his attempts to get twenty-five other Liberal, NDP and Bloc MPs to cross the floor to become cabinet ministers he would be close to a majority. As it stands, I sit here asking myself 'What federal government?' (Tory MPs angered by Harper's outsiders.)


I hope that everyone who is recommending Mr. Hinzman's return to America has fully investigated the situation. Yes, he volunteered for the army. Are you also aware that the American army has an agressive recruiting campaign promising amongst other things full funding for college, which is a big deal, and such obligations as one weekend a month for national guard members. President Bush never did a tour of duty in Vietnam as he was serving in the air national guard. Iraq is a different story altogether. National guard units are regularly rotated to what many still consider to be a combat zone. Don't believe all the lies and propaganda for once. Why do you think the last presidential election was so close? Lots of Americans are now facing up to some home truths. President Bush effectively acknowledged in his state of the union address last week that it's all about America being 'addicted to oil.' This from a former alcoholic and alleged drug-abuser from Texas. Expect more American ex-servicemen. Why do you think they want to tighten security at Canadian border crossings? To keep us out? (U.S. deserter bids to remain in Canada.)


McCabe comes back from his groin pull and the Leafs start winning again. Try to say that about any other defenseman and his team. All of you Canadians who hate the Leafs should just pick up and move to Columbus right now. Appreciate a legendary team when you see one, and maybe you'll start to enjoy hockey just that little bit more. (Niedermayer withdraws from Team Canada. Five successive ignoramuses didn't understand the meaning of legendary.)


What a timely allegation coming the week before the Olympics begin, and just after the Superbowl. I guess all the damage to football is in the past and all the damage to hockey, in which Canadians hold both Olympic golds, is yet to come. The Americans once again get full marks for poor sportsmanship. (NHL personalities linked to probe of gambling ring, police say.)


February 7th

This is an incredibly sad story. I can't help wondering, though, why the deceased had any notion her friend on the other end of a cell phone conversation could assist her in escaping from a sinking car. Perhaps the emanating signals do affect the brain. My sympathies go out to her family. ('I'm drowning,' and then phone went dead.)


Wow. Concert promoters they might not be, but to get 70 000 people to actually take the time to see the Rolling Stones in concert is an achievement, even if the Tragically Hip also played. I figure 70 000 times 50 dollars or so per ticket winds up at about three and a half million. Perhaps only half of that went to the talent and their crews. That leaves over two million invested in infrastructure with the city on the hook for less than $700 000. If only other levels of government could act so shrewdly. (Moncton loses a bundle on the Rolling Stones. Two people actually agreed with me!)


How can I describe it? There'll be a lot of people moving around, and a lot of different sounds and things kind of hitting your ears and eyes all at the same time. It will be post-modern with a kind of closure. Why would anyone expect a DJ to have anything interesting to say? (The Canadian who'll bring angst to the Turin Olympics. There are only two posted comments. The other guy actually attended a Plastikman event.)


February 6th

A little background on the Canadian Music Hall of Fame might have been nice, such as it's location (is it in the renovated granaries on Toronto harbour?) and it's history (is this the first ceremony for inductees?) Other than that, kudos to Leonard, Anne, Gordon and Willie, who in my mind should be named an honorary Canadian. As for the others, well, good on them too.

As for Jim Aikens, the Globe is an English-language newspaper if you hadn't noticed. (Emotional Cohen enters hall of fame. Jim complained about no reporting of the Francophone inductees.)

others like us

Here's the rundown of what's happening with my friends and acquaintances.


Vox Verax has a diatribe about unilateralism as American foreign policy.

Habanero Suz is suffering from hayfever in February and has lost her appetite.

Life on the Roof is expecting, well, whatever newlyweds usually expect.

Cathartic Blithering received travel snaps and childhood photos from his mom and went on a bit of a binge.

Cindy's World 2 just received her teacher training posting to a private boys school and seems delighted.

Bipolar Daily is realising how difficult parenting really can be.

a poem

words help me confront reality

they hold it up to my brain and say
"this is how things are"

when a sentence forms, the meanderings of my mind coalesce
and become tangible epiphanies

spontaneously, vocabulary disengages thought from emotion, body from intelligence, self from soul

i'm liberated by monologue, by dialogue, by words

this is not a sonnet

the ladies in my life

There are only a few people you can rely on in life and luckily enough or not, for me they are family. A week from now will be Valentine's Day and the tradition here in Korea is that the woman is supposed to give chocolate to the man. Why? I don't know, but let's just say I'm not expecting much. Me, I prefer the Canadian tradition of either moping all day, giving cards to every lady I know, or sending flowers to that special someone. I tried the last one twenty-one years ago. I went to the flower shop where my mom had been working part-time and selected a bouquet including blue irises and tiger lilies for Barbara, the girl I mentioned in my post about the Toronto film festival. Apparently her mother really liked them, or so her sister told me. Barbara was keeping a low profile. Since then I've actually had girlfriends and been married on Valentine's Day. This year, no such luck. My mom will be getting a cheer-up phone call in the nursing home she just moved into and my daughter will be getting chocolate. She really likes Toblerone white chocolate bars. As it happens, so do I. Maybe she'll share.

my retirement home

My first visit to England was in 1988. I left Toronto with 500 pounds in my pocket, a return ticket to Manchester and a two-week Britrail pass. It was raining when I arrived so I lugged my backpack and soggy duffle bag onto a bus to Manchester station where I proceeded to fall in love with British trains, riding the rails almost non-stop for three straight weeks. I ended up in a bed-sit in Rutherglen, Glasgow. Jobs in the food service industry were hard to come by so I decided to shift south to Oxford, a town seemingly overflowing with lovely blonde ladies and exquisite architecture. I worked at Pizzaland downstairs in the High Street for about three months, making friends and scrounging by on 75 quid a week. One of the better friends was a fellow named Ben who lived on a narrow boat just a few streets over from my home by the train station. I met him on the street carrying a cast-iron wood stove and we hit it off right away. I remember busking in the covered market on my mandolin with Ben on his kazoo. We visited London together once after spending the night in jail in Oxford for borrowing a bike. Upon my return to Canada I received a phone call from a friend of his wondering if I could provide a lift from Nashville to New Orleans. It seems I had mentioned something one evening about going to Mardi Gras. I got a single letter from Ben with a comic he had drawn anticipating his upcoming job interview with Richard Branson. That's the last I heard from him. When my strawberry-blonde Canadian girlfriend and I visited Oxford the next year the only trace of Ben I could find was his name in the cement at the base of a mooring post on the towpath where his boat used to be.

talk about trophy head

This here is a photo from the Toronto Film Festival last September. I first attended the big do back in 1984 when it was still known rather presumptuously as the Festival of Festivals. I bought a book of ten tickets, good for every screening except the galas, for forty dollars. I thought I'd be seeing five movies with Barbara, the girl I had been dating that summer, but as luck would have it she decided that she "didn't want to have a boyfriend." As far as I know she's still with John, a guy she met at school that fall. So it goes with good old Gord. Breakups and divorces are getting to be old hat. One of these days I'm going to find me a keeper, see if I don't.

Some of my lost comments resurfaced in my inbox this morning. Four are political, so start suppressing those yawns.


February 4th

I currently refuse to fly Air Canada and fly United Airlines on my flights from Korea, originating either at Kimhae or Incheon, to Toronto. I also try to avoid connecting flights through Vancouver. Last summer I departed from Vancouver on a flight to San Francisco. Even after arriving two and a half hours early I discovered that the line for clearing U.S. customs snaked right through the duty free so I wasn't even able to shop for gifts. They even had the audacity to place a Welcome to the USA sign above the customs desk in VANCOUVER AIRPORT!! Isn't that the most offensive relinquishment of our national sovereignty you've ever heard of? I hope Mr. Harper can sort out this mess with his buddy Mr. Bush. (Airline watchdog nixes one-hour check-in rule.)


February 3rd

I hate to reiterate and I've said this before, I've left Canada with my kindergarten-age daughter because as a single parent I SIMPLY CAN'T AFFORD $700.00 A MONTH FOR DAYCARE! Here in South Korea I am paying less than $300.00 a month for full care from 10:00 am through 4:00 pm, six days a week. It is good quality Montessori childcare a short five minute walk from my home. Why is this not possible in Toronto, of all places? Get rid of the subsidised spaces that most people never get and set a standard cost with childcare available to all by allowing more people to establish childcare services in their own homes without having to get through all the red tape. Any single-family dwelling in Toronto with a backyard and a kitchen could easily accomodate at least a half-dozen preschool kids with just one supervising adult. The solution is right in front of our eyes. At $300.00 a kid that's $1800.00 a month minus the $100.00 a week for decent lunches, or about a $1400.00 salary which is much better than welfare any day. It could be a great supplement to a Canada pension as well. (Provinces fear Tory plan to alter child care. I guess people care. I had comment one hundred and twenty-six.)


February 2nd

As far as I'm concerned, Herb Alpert was (still is?) the only recording industry executive worthy of his title. Let musicians control their art. Once it becomes necessary again for artists to tour in order to build a fan base, not to exploit one established by a "hit", the music industry will be back on the right track. I have always enjoyed buying recordings from the artists themselves and chatting with them after their shows at smaller venues, such as Lee's Palace in Toronto where I happened to catch a band from Texas last winter and purchased their LP. I know all the money went straight into their pockets because I watched them put it there! (Memo to music industry: cut your prices, make better music.)


February 1st

How about a shared portfolio for Mr. Harper: Prime and Finance Minister? He's the brilliant economist now, isn't he? A one percent repeal of the GST coupled by a one percent increase in the income tax rate for the lowest level of earners. That sounds rather fair, and fairly Conservative. Except businesses will be reaping the GST discount while ordinary Canadians shell out more. I expect the Liberals, NDP and Bloc Qebecois to all back that one, don't you? My original estimation was six months but now it's starting to seem more like three. Joe Clark you ain't, Mr. Harper. (Harper likely to introduce March budget.)


January 28th

I'm glad that Mr. Harper and the American ambassador have agreed to disagree. It all seems very cordial. It strikes me as somewhat similar to Denmark's response to a Canadian cabinet minister visiting a disputed arctic island last spring. We don't like it but I guess there's not a lot we can do about it. Icebreakers? Won't that just be helping any American ships that would like to navigate our Northwest Passage? It seems the Americans will be navigating one or two other passages rather freely as well. (Harper rebukes U.S. envoy over Arctic dispute.)

i think she's beautiful

This is a picture of my friend Mina that I took while we were enjoying coffee at the McDonald's next to the Academy Cinema in bustling downtown Daegu. We used to go there after lunch because the coffee was cheap and good. Mina's in Seoul this month and I really missed having lunch with her this week and talking about her ideas, plans and ambitions in theatre and the visual arts. As you can see her skin is lovely and she smiles a lot. She is also very considerate, gentle and kind. She is quite tall, rather athletic and has lustrous long straight hair. Of course I think she's beautiful. She has mentioned more than a few times that she's considered having plastic surgery. She would like to have eyelids similar to the woman visible in the ad behind her. Don't do it, Mina! I love you as you are.

books and birthing babies

Not another book review! Well, actually a little bit more. I've just finished Ian McEwan's The Child in Time, first published in 1987 around the time pregnancy became, in my worldview at least, more than just a notion. It's an extremely well-written account of the loss of a young child, from the father's point of view. Let's just say I found it emotional. Mr. McEwan won the Booker prize for Amsterdam, the first destination in my alphabetical tour of Europe. His newest novel is Saturday, a day I have always looked forward to. I intend to read both of those books sooner rather than later.




Now for the birthing babies part of this post. An old acquaintance of mine is expecting her first child about now. I discovered this by visiting her website and stepping nimbly to a conclusion which she confirmed by e-mail. I had the good fortune to meet her at an 8:08 evening in Toronto last winter, and her first reaction upon seeing me was to rush over and give me a hug after proclaiming something about me now being a daddy. She then stepped back and introduced me to a man whom I assumed to be her boyfriend, partner or spouse. I guess he got the message. My congratulations go out to both of them. By the way, photos are more effective if they're properly cropped. Don't you agree, Jessica?

bad politics should make for good cartoons...

Sorry to bore you, but my posted comments are really starting to accumulate again.


February 1st


It never ceases to amaze me that so many people actually take George W. Bush seriously. Did anyone ever seek out his opinion on anything before he was elected Governor of Texas? I was amused to note that the Democratic response to the State of the Union address was ably voiced by the recently elected Democratic Governor of Virginia. It seems the Republicans are on the way out, just in time for the Democrats to start cleaning things up after them all over again. And I thought the right was supposed to be responsible for all the fiscally sound policies. (Bush tries to shift to a policy agenda.)


In response to Mr. Shortpants, an urban cowboy is still a cowboy. I took a train through Saskatoon and Edmonton last summer, and don't recall seeing anything resembling the Windsor-Montreal corridor in between those two "cities".
As for the Liberal rebuilding: as a man in his late thirties who hasn't taught at Harvard, what are my chances of standing for the Liberals in the next election? Mr. Ignatieff just parachuted into my home riding where I've resided since birth, but I'm ready and willing to relocate. I'm not above riding the wave of the backlash against Mr. Harper's failed hidden agenda. Where do I sign up? (Tobin out of leadership race.)


Edward Tilton, is it common practice for the U.S. military to open fire on civilian vehicles? I guess when there's no clearly defined enemy, as in an opposing military, anything goes. Iraq is seeming more and more like Vietnam every day. And I thought it was now a democratic country, what with Saddam Hussein standing trial and proper elections having been held. Weren't diplomatic relations with the U.S supposed to become more cordial now that Mr. Harper is going to be in charge? (U.S. forces fire on Canadian vehicle in Iraq.)


If any old maids or confirmed bachelors are considering proposing to their "special" friends, perhaps now might be the time to do it. Wouldn't it be romantic to be one of the few couples in the world to be legally married in a country that has decided not to recognize such unions anymore? In spite of the thoroughness of the Globe and Mail's investigation, it seems as if Mr. Harper's policy advisors still need to subject this issue to further probing. Not everybody agrees with him yet. (Same-sex vote likely to be tight.)


How about this for a new slogan:"Visit Vancouver for the views, stay for the health care."
And I thought good old Tory Alberta had the solution for everything. Isn't B.C. being run by a bunch of no-account left-of-centre radicals? (Report gives B.C. top marks for health system.)


"They are treating people here like Arabs," said legislator Arieh Eldad in a telephone interview from the scene with Israel Radio. Mr. Eldad said he suffered a broken arm.
Perhaps if a few more Israelis actually started treating Arabs like people, such disturbing outbreaks of anti-government violence might cease. (Israel completes clearance of illegal West Bank outpost.)


Chris Chelios, I thought he had retired by now. It's nice to know that the U.S. Winter Olympic comittee respects seniority. Apparently Michelle Kwan has also been allowed to join their complement of athletes to Turin. Did you know that the one thing American athletes have been doing since Salt Lake City is winning? It's part of the Winter Olympics preview advertising on the American Forces Network here in South Korea. And of course, who better than Chris Chelios to lead glorious team USA to victory once again. I guess the gold in Lake Placid in 1980 was won by a bunch of grizzled veterans as well. Didn't Chelios play on that team too? (Chelios named captain of Team USA. Twelve hours on and still the only comment...)


January 31st


How exactly Palestine is identified by the United Nations is what I'd like to know. Perhaps the next article detailing the economic plight of a Hamas-led government could outline some of the UN resolutions regarding Israel as well. I seem to remember something about an illegal seizure of territory some thirty to forty years back. Perhaps there is no financial aid forthcoming from Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, or any of Palestine's other near neighbours, but I do suspect that Hamas might not be too quick in relinquishing its hard-line stance vis-a-vis a nation that has seemed ready and willing to carry out such operations as targeted assassinations of its leaders. (Hamas seeks new aid donors after Western threats.)


I'm not sure how this works so maybe someone can explain; wasn't their another filmed titled Crash released less than ten years ago and filmed in Toronto? Didn't it win an award or two at some European festivals? Wasn't it directed by David Cronenberg? One of these days some genius is going to come up with an Oscar contender titled Pulp Fiction. I can hardly wait. (Wait, there's more...)

I don't recall typing 'their' for 'there' or 'filmed' for 'film'. Perhaps someone might misunderstand my point: isn't there an overwhelming lack of originality evident here? Biopics about Johnny Cash and Truman Capote? How about an icon most people aren't so familiar with? And a gay cowboy movie? Anybody see Midnight Cowboy? Some horses just don't quit, do they? (Canada's Haggis wins Oscar nods for Crash. I had comments two AND three.)

(Some of the repercussions. Seems I struck a nerve here.)
Geoff Isaac from Oakville, Canada writes: Granted there is a lack of originality in Hollywood especially when one considers the plethora of remakes in the works. However I think Gordon Foster's definition of originality is so loose it borders on the absurd. Comparing Midnight Cowboy and Brokeback Mountain because they both have gay cowboy characters is like saying Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is just another heterosexual love story. (Actually, I haven't seen any of these movies, except for late-night TV snippets of Dustin Hoffman and Angelina's dad. Snicker snicker he used plethora snicker snicker)

Lawrence Crofton from Mississauga, writes: Attention Gordon Foster: It was a Canadian film (read:Foreign). Ergo, it doesn't count. By David who? Oh yeah, the "Fly" guy! Cool FX (I don't get his point either.)

James Clarkson from Yuhorf, Canada writes:
I must say, David Cronenberg's movie Crash is easier on the eyes. (I couldn't say. I haven't seen Haggis' film.)

Jack Robinson from London, Ontario, Canada writes: I'll resist the gnarly impulse to to crack on your 'Canada's Haggis' approbation, but can't resist noting that, according to what I read in these pages last December, Cronenberg's 'History' was selected as Best Film of the year by over sixty major North American critics, a much larger consensus than for Lonesome Cowboyz, et. al. But then by Oscar Meyer standards, he's just another C.R.A.Z.Y. Canuck. (Aren't we all?)

Max Power from Windsor, Canada writes: Way to go Haggis! Not only are you an excellent director and writer, you're also a delicious Scottish meal! (I do concur.)


By the way, did anyone notice if the groundhog saw its shadow or not?

sunday afternoon football

One of the nice things about Lunar New Year's Day in Korea is that most people stay at home with their families or visit their in-laws. That means no crowds anywhere. Believe it or not, this is the only lawn on campus. Seeing as the security guard who would insist we keep off the grass probably wouldn't be on duty, some of the foreign teachers took advantage of the situation to get in a bit of touch football. The teams were three a side, with Ella as mascot or unintentional additional blocker depending on her disposition. Here I am enjoying the butt of my Dutch cigarillo just before throwing my only touchdown pass.


We rotated positions but most of the time I ended up playing nose tackle, I guess, attempting to block throws or rushing the QB after three steamboats. Note the short brown corner post. We had to make do with what was available. Our side managed to rack up the score a bit before the security guard appeared with the Korean equivalent of "What's all this then?" Ella was fine the whole time until people started taking a few snacks from the big bag I brought along to share. She assumed they were all hers. Amends were made by purchasing a large bag of chips at the nearby corner store, along with some more beer to ease the aches and pains for a while. Thanks Paul for the photos.

Let's talk hockey.

I wrote this on Sunday, January 29th after the Leafs' loss.

Ottawa is definitely a one-line one-goalie team. How the hell did they manage to steal a number two draft pick like Dany Heatley away from Atlanta? When was the last time the Leafs had a number two draft pick like Jason Spezza? Daniel Alfredsson we've got, just look at Mats who missed the first couple dozen games after a season-opening injury playing against, who else, Ottawa. The youngest high first round pick for Toronto is Lindros who hasn't played for a few weeks at least. Why the hell is the losing streak all of a sudden the coach's or manager's fault? If you want to blame anyone, blame the guy who's been giving up all the soft goals, Ed Belfour. He's no Terry Sawchuk. He should be hanging up a bit of equipment soon, or more appropriately auctioning it off for charity. He's been a charity case himself this season as far as I'm concerned. But I think I've figured out the real problem. How many goalies do the Leafs' opponents really need?


By the way, thank you Boston for proving my point about Ottawa.