the thick and thin: January 2006

who's the clown?

This picture is a bit more flattering than the one I posted previously, isn't it Cindy? You do look lovely here. Perhaps it's the glow from the wine. As for my Globe and Mail comments, here are a few more for you to puzzle through.

January 3oth

Indeed, whatever happened to Monopoly or go fish? I must admit I did sample a bit of vodka from the liquor cabinet when I was in the fifth grade, which was probably a bad idea, and I did spend a bit too much time assembling and painting plastic models in a room that might not have had proper ventilation. I pierced my fingertips with safety pins and abraded my own skin to form scabs, but it never occurred to me that passing out might be fun. Where do these ideas get started? The son of a friend of my father's died in similar suspicious circumstances almost twenty years ago in Texas. Perhaps the practice has an American origin. (Seeking fun, children meet death.)

'The Conservatives responded by promising an accountability act that would restrict the work of lobbyists, ban corporate donations to political parties and give more power to the Auditor-General and the Ethics Commissioner.'Is it really possible to ban corporate donations to political parties? The Conservatives must be exceptionally confident in their grass-roots supporters.I guess all the mentioning of ministerial accountability was supposed to refer to Mr. Martin. He must be breathing much more freely now without the opposition ranks exhaling down his neck. I wish him all the best and for Mr. Harper, just the opposite. Let's see how long he can keep his fingers clean now that he's got his turn at the sand table.
(Gomery report to call for tough new rules.)

"To all my fellow Asian-American actors out there, I share this with you, and be encouraged and keep shining."
I guess even being born and raised in Canada and supported for years by roles in Canadian Film Institute productions still isn't enough for Sandra Oh to consider herself Asian-Canadian. So she looks a bit different (maybe) from others born in Nepean, and she's found her little niche in Hollywood. Is that any reason to celebrate her Canadian nationality which might soon be relinquished for tax reasons? I'm sick of individuals being singled out in American productions and pointed to as some sort of reaffirmation of Canadian talent. If there is real talent in English Canada, where are all the best foreign film nominations? And what does Asian-American mean anyways? Asia's a big place, remember? I'm living in it. (Oh my, Sandra wins another.)

January 28th

I hope and pray that all the persons still trapped beneath the roof can be removed speedily and safely. I was in Katowice several years ago on my first visit to Poland and have fond memories of the kindness of everyone I met there. I am reassured by knowing that anyone who is able to help will be assisting in the rescue effort. (Roof collapses on hundreds in Poland.)

Why doesn't TV just go and get it's dad, Radio? (Web threatens TV: report.)

Okay, okay. Sixteen million lines of code. I'm sure Mr. Blackberry typed it all out himself. Giving away free technology to congressmen is a stroke of pure genius, isn't it? That alone would lead me to suspect his business ethics. Why do you think there was an anti-trust suit against Microsoft? The makers of blackberries were pursuing legal battles against cheap knock-offs? Isn't that a bit against the grain? I have no sympathy for either party in this dispute really, but I am wondering how long it would take to thumb-clench out the entirety of this over-lengthy aticle on a portable wireless e-mail device. (Patently Absurd. This should be a good one for deductive reconstruction of the original article, Cindy!)

well, now that's got to go!

There's definitely not enough blue in the flag. It must have been another glaring Liberal lack of accountability.

Here we go again, all the comments the Globe and Mail saw fit to post. They're getting a bit stingy these days. Some of my favourites seem to have just dissipated into the inter, or ether. Whichever.

January 26th

This may seem a bit redundant, but God bless the Pope. Doesn't the world need a little more love and charity these days?
(Pope Benedict's first encyclical. I had the last comment, number six.)

January 25th

Ah, yes. Reshaping the Canadian federation: no hidden agenda there! And here I was calmly thinking his platform was all about accountability. I guess Harper wants to be held accountable for something too. Whyever did they change their name from the Reform party? It wasn't just to appear more electable to Canadian voters, was it? I'm trusting there was no deceit involved because after all I'm just a gullible Canadian... (Mr. Harper goes to Ottawa. Number sixty-one of countless more.)

You know, when I heard the gunshots I was a bit worried it was another one of those Canadian-harboured terrorists trying to sneak in and disrupt the peace and tranquility of our neighbours to the south... (Shooting closes border. It was actually a couple of murder suspects from California trying to enter Canada.)

January 24th

I can't help but wondering what Mrs. Bronfman was doing walking along Fifth Avenue. My sympathies go out to her family who must be absolutely shattered by this horrendous twist of fate. (Philanthropist Andrea Bronfman mourned. I had the first comment posted. The sixth and last comment informed us that she had been walking her dog, and crossing the street. Shouldn't that sort of information be included in the article?)

I don't know how this exactly correlates with the article, but if Americans are actually outsourcing torture now they still haven't stopped exporting it in the form of moribund sitcoms, reality shows, entertainment "news" shows and crime dramas.
(U.S. 'outsourced' torture, Swiss investigator says. First comment!)

Succeeded by:

sudhir jain from Calgary, Canada writes:
Biggest torture Americans export is their movies. If we stopped that may be they won't have money to outsource physical torture.

blah blah from Toronto, Canada writes:
It is soul-shocking to me the lighthearted and sarcastic entries to this blog. Torture is depraved and truly evil, and for the American government to be enabling and defending it is to have, ultimately, lost the "war on terror". Canadian citizen Mahar Arar was also kidnapped, transported against his will to...blah blah blah blah blah blah

a bank safe as houses

I walked downtown yesterday to meet the lovely and effervescent Sue for lunch, and this is what met my eyes on the corner across from my bank. It seems they're building a new shopping centre there with an Imax cinema to try and draw crowds. It's just a block away from all my favourite second-hand clothing stores, so I'm still thanking my lucky stars. My favourite second-hand video shop just behind Daegu train station had everything torn down all around it in order to make room for a parking lot. Thankfully I can still get two year old new releases for a buck and a quarter. I even picked up Silver Streak a few weeks ago for my own private memorial to that genius who was Richard Pryor. Does anyone remember Blazing Saddles? The one building left standing in the photo, with traditional Korean roof tiles, actually houses a convenience store. It's a good thing they decided to keep that around. Perhaps it will be designated a heritage site.

I do you a favour,

How affirmative action helped George W.
By Michael Kinsley
Monday, January 20, 2003

If our President had the slightest sense of irony, he might have paused to ask himself, "Wait a minute. How did I get into Yale?" It wasn't because of any academic achievement: his high school record was ordinary. It wasn't because of his life experience--prosperous family, fancy prep school--which was all too familiar at Yale. It wasn't his SAT scores: 566 verbal and 640 math.

They may not have had an explicit point system at Yale in 1964, but Bush clearly got in because of affirmative action. Affirmative action for the son and grandson of alumni. Affirmative action for a member of a politically influential family. Affirmative action for a boy from a fancy prep school. These forms of affirmative action still go on.

The Wall Street Journal reported last week that Harvard accepts 40% of applicants who are children of alumni but only 11% of applicants generally. And this kind of affirmative action makes the student body less diverse, not more so. George W. Bush, in fact, may be the most spectacular affirmative-action success story of all time. Until 1994, when he was 48 years old and got elected Governor of Texas, his life was almost empty of accomplishments.

a stellar achiever
Just so as we can compare things, my verbal score was 630 and my math score was 660 for a combined score of 1290 out of 1400. I neglected to apply to Yale however, or actually graduate from high school. There is still the faint possibility that I might one day become Prime Minister of Canada but of course I'd have to start making an effort. Get right on that, Gord.

Vox Verax: Voting Machine Controversy

ella looks at me, I look at ella

Ella likes taking pictures sometimes
even more than she enjoys having
her picture taken. She started taking
pictures of me when she was three
years old. This one was taken on
Monday just after I got home from
work. The next morning I guess she
couldn't find my digital camera so
she took my 35mm out of my desk
and even inserted a roll of film upside
down trying to get it to make that
taking pictures sound. I guess she
doesn't know about batteries yet.
She has promised to only use the paper
cameras she makes from now on,
unless she has my permission.

well, politics is a bit dry right now

I had this headline all ready to scroll out just in case.
Harper picks up majority, drops all progressive pretense

As you might notice if you've taken the time to click on the bearded man's picture, my blog by contrast is extremely expletive deleted. It is my own humble opinion however that one is only swearing when one uses rude words in a manner that does not directly refer to the actual bodily functions from which they derive. As an example I present to you my first book review.

I picked up a great bathroom book at Kyobo bookstore last week. It's titled Korea's Business and Cultural Code Words and is very informative with lots of entries that can be read in one, well, sitting. As I sit and read I often remark to myself "Shit, I didn't know that," or "Shit, so that's why!" I occasionally even once in a while utter "Crap, if I'd only known that when I first got here." As I may have mentioned before, very informative. If you'd like to know the ISBN number, I recommend Maalox.

a bit of a quandary

Thinking about the election in a hindsight sort of way, I guess it didn't turn out so bad. I am an anglo white guy, after all. I give Harper's Haranguers about six months before they lose the no-confidence vote, which is very generous. There's a big difference between building a consensus and just expecting everyone to agree with you.

By the way, does anyone know what a putsch is?

Just a few extra comments to the Globe to give you an idea of how I spent election day.

January 24th

Well, I had the questionable fortune of being able to listen to this game on nhl.com radio here in South Korea. For some odd reason the feed goes dead whenever Jim Ralph begins to question the officiating, and everything shut down at the stroke of 10pm eastern time when the CBC was finally allowed to post the election results. Getting back to the game itself though, I don't see any reason for Mr. Quinn to be cut loose other than to allow him to concentrate on coaching Canada's men's Olympic squad. Perhaps he was hoping that Colaiacovo would make that team as well in order to have a bit of help brushing up on his Italian before Turin. As I hear it, the Leafs' biggest concern right now is not getting called for holding. They proved that they can score on Hasek, and several times at that. There's no way the Senators will break their playoff jinx this year unless of course Ottawa doesn't make the playoffs at all. Once Hasek gets injured you can wave that team goodbye. I guess you can tell I was born and raised in Etobicoke. How about Ken Dryden as the next prime minister for the Liberals? You'd definitely get even a few Bloc supporters voting for a politician who once backstopped les Habs to four Stanley Cups. (Quinn takes another hit. Perhaps it was acid.)

January 23rd

Do you know what really burns my posterior? Flames about yeah high. No, actually I'm pretty miffed about this Maple Leafs away-away series at Ottawa this past weekend. If it's got anything to do with the Raptors sharing the Air Canada centre I say it's time to send them packing. Aren't Vince Carter, Marcus Camby, Damon Stoudamire and countless other excellent former Raptors still playing in this leauge, not to mention Doug Christie? Why can't Toronto seem to hold onto any talent? As soon as Chris Bosh does his time he'll be out of here too. Let's let them all go south, where they'll be much happier. (Bryant nets 81 points. I didn't even check the score at espn.com.)

Well, if nothing else this article has certainly helped me understand my own wit. (Think women are more sarcastic? Yeah, whatever! Catchy headline, no?)

January 21st

"They hauled all their motorcycles and parts; it was a show of force in the communities they travelled through. It was also used to transport stolen property," the OPP source said. Copies of the calendar, which depicts the biker club's customary array of fierce-looking men and scantily clad women, are for sale on eBay and at the Angels' Route 81 retail outlets.

I think I actually preferred Satan's Choice and the Para-Dice Riders. By the way, whatever happened to my all-time favourite biker gang, the Loners? Didn't there also use to be a gang in Montreal named Roch Voisine? For me, the Hell's Angels are now the WalMart of biker gangs. I hope they get the joke. (OPP spy with truck took Hells Angels for ride. As you might notice, I've been feeling a bit reckless with my comments recently. The string was closed after this one, number three.)

the return of the Dave files

Here's a comment I had posted to Dave's Google conversation room, Stop the Inanity.

Well, living in Korea I've noticed that there are fewer and fewer American films being released here every month. When American studios start remaking Japanese horror classics like the Ring and even subtle romantic comedies like Shall We Dance on a regular basis, I'm switching to Bollywood. I haven't seen too many TV shows from the sub-continent, and even if they did remake Miami Vice with an Indian lead, at least he'd be able to sing and dance. The biggest suspension of disbelief I'll be making in the near future with any American movie will be getting around Colin Farell's Irish accent in The New World as John Smith. Paddy O'Brian maybe, but John Smith? Even Angelica Jolie and Val Kilmer were sounding a bit Irish by the end of Alexander, weren't they? As for remakes of other films, did you happen to catch The New Producers? I'm pretty sure Gene Wilder never appeared in any Neil Simon plays. What's the point? The stage musical version was a pretty obvious move given the plot, but if they wanted people to pay to see a truly funny movie, why not just re-release the original with Zero Mostel? And isn't it a little obvious having Uma Thurman as a Swedish sex-bomb? There was an HBO-BBC co-production on TV recently, The Life (and Death) of Peter Sellers, which displayed the most genius casting I've seen in years. Imagine if you will Geoffrey Rush in the lead and an alomst unrecognizable Charlize Theron as his Swedish model second wife. Pure perfection. And the scenes where Rush portrays Sellers as Clouseau: I am kissing the tips of my fingers all at once, and then releasing le petit baiser to heaven.

Speaking of blonde sex-bombs, I thought Dave might enjoy feasting his eyes on this one:

Scarlett Johansson
Date of Birth: 11-22-84
Height: 5'4"
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Green
Birthplace: New York, NY
Occupation: Actress

That last part of her profile, regarding her occupation, is especially apt. After watching her exceeding aplomb, finesse and poise on Saturday Night Live recently I can assure you it's no joke. She has also co-starred with Bill Murray, albeit in an exceptionally lame movie but BILL MURRAY, the same man who turned up in the gutter in front of the Ed Sullivan Theatre for a Late Show appearance! Now that just oozes style and grace, not to mention class.

the Sunday supplement

Here's a comment I had posted to Hurtin' Jackalope's blog.

By the way, if no nether parts are evident I don't see how there can be any shame in shedding one's posterior undergarments. Pooh doesn't even have butt-cheeks as his legs are inexplainably attached at either side of his rotundity, in fine teddy bear fashion.

All these other comments are at The Globe And Mail, as usual.

January 21st

Peter Simms, was that your tongue I saw in your cheek or were you just happy to be leaving the first comment? It is kind of like being the first one outside to make a snow angel on a snowy recess, isn't it?
I do think however that people who choose (are forced?) to inhabit remote locations need to be a bit more self-reliant. That's why I haven't settled any Crown land recently. I couldn't be bothered to learn how to ride a snowmobile. Or starve. (Balmy winter stings natives)

All the whale I've eaten in Pusan at Chagalchi fish market has tasted a lot like beef, with deliciously crisp blubber. I understand why the Inuit and Japanese enjoy it. I don't suggest that this whale in the Thames should be slaughtered for meat but if it does happen to expire, why not eat it? After testing it for cetacean spongiform encephalitis, of course. (Ahoy, whale off Westminster Bridge!)

January 20th

Mr. Nakagawa said recently that imported beef from the U.S. may have included material from cattle backbones. Including parts of the cow - such as spines, brains and bone marrow - thought to be at high risk of containing mad-cow disease would violate terms of an agreement that last month partially lifted a two-year-old ban on the beef.
So the U.S. exporters have reputedly violated the terms of a trade agreement with Japan, and Mr. Koizumi restores the outright ban on U.S. beef. I hope whoever is Prime Minister of Canada after next week's election exhibits similar backbone regarding trade issues with the U.S. (Japan cuts off imports of U.S. beef again)

January 19th

Last time I checked the Liberals, who even in these dying days of the election campaign still form the government of Canada, were still on the left. Same-sex marriage seems a bit left-of-centre in the social issues realm, and I'm sure other policies regarding daycare and such still hover on the nether side of conservative fiscal responsibility. I have yet to hear of any Liberal pushing to privatize health care. I guess your options all depend on how far left you want to go. (Where's the left?)

I concur almost vehemently with the first post. Averaged out, it's only about thirty-five cents each for every man, woman and child alive. Proportionately China should be chipping in about $350 000 000, and India should match it. The U.S. with its huge trade imbalance still managed to scrape together $300 000 000, or about a dollar per person. One should keep in mind however that these are the pledged amounts and have yet to be collected. By the way, how much does a live chicken go for in Canada these days? ($1.9-billion pledged to fight bird flu)

Well I guess if it's a war on terror, air strikes are the way to go. I'm still wondering however why the British Air Force never waged a shock and awe air campaign over Dublin in order to root out the IRA. (Top al-Qaeda operatives said killed in U.S. strike)

January 17th

Okay, let's evaluate the Conservatives on social-moral grounds. Where should we begin? What exactly is their policy on such thorny issues as gay marriage and respect for international law, including international courts for trying war criminals and extraordinary rendition? By promising $100.00 a head per month for every child, are they not weakening moral fibre by promoting dependency on government hand-outs? Where do they stand on such delicate topics as access to education and the rights of first nations peoples? What exactly is their stand on national unity and the divisive nature of the Bloc Quebecois' presence in the federal parliament? Or are they really just power-grubbing politicians looking for the quickest, surest ways to clasp onto the ministerial portfolios and complete control of Canada's mind-numbingly pervasive bureaucracy? (Stephen Harper's Canada?)

What an excellent way to squash any opportunities for recidivism. (California executes oldest man on death row. He was 79, blind and almost deaf.)

I guess there is still significant Canadian troop strength in South Korea as well; we all know what a threat to international security that outlaw regime of Kim Jong-Pil's presents. (Party leaders stand by Afghan mission. As nice as it is to post the first comment, it is also rewarding to have them closed prematurely and end up with the last comment. This was number four!)

Social experiments aside, is Mr. Harper even remotely qualified to lead a developed nation? What is his experience on the international stage? Does he have a leadership philosophy? Where the hell does he come from, anyway? I have been following this election on-line for almost two months now and I have never once seen it mentioned where his home riding is. And who the heck are the Conservatives? I though they ceased to exist after electing only two MPs in 1993 and losing official party status. At least I know the NDP used to be the CCF and the Bloc began with Lucien Bouchard. Whatever happened to the Rhino party? Or the Libertarians, Communists or Greens, who apparently are only garnering about 8% of the popular vote? Haven't they been around for a lot longer than Mr. Harper's marginally motley collection of election-forcing, power-scrounging, floor-crossing, tax-evading smugglers? (55% would welcome a Harper majority. I'm just doing my little bit to turn the tide, that's all.)

January 16th

Hasn't anyone noticed that Ontario doesn't generally enjoy having the same party in power federally AND provincially? It went Liberal less than a year after Mulroney was elected and then NDP on his re-election. In 1995 when Chretien's government was still fresh Ontario went Tory again. It had been Tory for forty years before 1985, during which time the Liberals had been in power for at least twenty-five years. Ontario voters like to pit one level of government against the other, and it seems they will soon once again be having their cake and eating it too. (Tories enter home stretch just shy of majority: poll. I was number 34 of 161. By Friday the Globe was allowing upwards of three hundred comments on election-related stories.)

Ella's gallery

When I was in Toronto last year I managed to visit a few galleries but my favourite was Park Gallery, across from the mental health centre and just a few doors along from a very cozy knitting shop. It's a storefront gallery in one of those old stores with wood-framed display windows and doors set back from the sidewalk. It's run by Julia Burton and can be found at 1036 Queen St. West (one block west of Ossington).

Now Julia is the main squeeze of one Steve Marsh, a theatre sound guy who has a thing about technology. I was chatting with him over a Lucky Lager at the show opening and happened to mention a pretty nifty new Sony-Ericsson cell phone I had read about in a magazine. He pulled something from his shirt pocket and asked "Do you mean this one?" Indeed it was the very shiny and sleek technological marvel I had just been referring to.

Me, I have to make do with six year old laptops and prepaid Bell cell phones from BestBuy. So now my idea for a show at Julia's gallery is paper cutout drawings of all the consumer goods I'd like to own but simply can't afford, inspired by Ella's cutouts of all the toys she'd like to have. I just noticed by the way that if you take the ELLA out of GALLERY all you've got left is GRY, or the dirt under your fingernails. Here's a good site in case you'd like to know where you are. Or you could just click here for a blonde joke.

do you recognize these two people?

Here's a helpful hint: they are both Canadian, although one was not born in the Great White North and the other indubitably was. So come on now, what's your guess for the naturalized citizen? Is it the man or the woman? You may be wondering why I have selected these two particular people for my little quiz, and to be honest there is no particular reason except that I find them both quite exceptional in the unique nature of their accomplishments.

things are getting ugly

check this out see any mud?

I just figured out my first HTML trick, adding a tag link to another URL.
I also just figured out how gruesome Canadian politics can really get.

opportunism exposed

Friday, January 13th

I'm really not aware of any difference between a Segway whatever-it-is and a motorized wheelchair, unless of course it might possibly knock someone down if improperly maneuvered. Isn't that the reason it's being kept off sidewalks?

It's nice to know that my short play staged in February 1995 and derived from severely censored newspaper accounts of the Bernardo and Homolka trials has completely dropped off the radar. If anyone cares, it's entitled Variations on a Theme by God and if you contact the Playwright's Guild of Canada they might be able to put you in touch with me so as I can print off a copy for you on my computer at work. (I'm not joking about any of this)

Personally speaking I'd be happy enough to find even one Canadian lady interested in getting hitched to yours truly, let alone two. (Legalize polygamy, study urges)

While some Liberal candidates may be bracing for "the worst", I am sure many others are busily readying themselves for re-election and rightfully so. Perhaps I would be even more optimistic if I hadn't witnessed Mulroney's U.S. administration-backed landslide in 1984. If Canada actually was the largest state in the Union as many Canadians seem to desire John Kerry would be president now, wouldn't he?

Funnily enough, these poll results arrive on a Friday the 13th. I am also wondering why the accompanying photo depicts two young girls of colour prominently situated with a rather pale, miniscule in comparison Harper seen gesticulating and out of focus as an apparent afterthought above them.

So an American industry group has been caught with its pants down. Why don't we just stop killing trees? There must be at least a few large economies in this world that survive without denuding their natural resources: Japan and South Korea actually come to mind. (Members of U.S. lumber lobby exposed)

comments illustrated

January 11th

Just nine sleep-drunk men on the highways early in the morning on their way to work can still do a lot of damage. (Sleep can leave you as groggy as booze - the study only included nine male subjects)

Doesn't anyone else find it curious that Turkey is battling bird flu? Not that it's a joking matter. I live in South Korea and I walk my five-year old daughter past a chicken coop to daycare every day. One bird had escaped yesterday morning onto the road and I shooed it back into the garden but was afraid to touch it. Perhaps Torontonians are eagerly awaiting a long-overdue cull of Canada Geese, but let me be the first one to say I'll miss them when they're gone. (I had the only comment)

I also beg to differ, not with your premise but with the logic behind it: in order to succeed Apple must win the licensing war. There's something that used to exist in our society and that was an appreciation for high quality manufacture and design. Apple has this in spades. It is to computers as Rolex is to watches and then some in my mind. I'm typing this on a G3 iBook that has yet to crash and is operating OSX.3, an operating system greatly more advanced than the one it was designed for. The only peripheral I have purchased that is worth its salt is a 1gb iPod shuffle. I use it to transfer shared music files from my laptop to a PC at work in order to burn discs of mp3s as my 6 year old machine doesn't have a burner. Nor would I want it to. Apple has Windows operating system programs that will turn my computer into a PC, if I ever feel that perverse urge. I can increase my storage seven-fold from it's current 10gb with the purchase of a new 60gb iPod, which I will probably do on my birthday in May. The Mac Mini will most definitely be my next desktop, if you'd like to call it that. It will be connected to and concealed behind my digital TV and high end speakers with a remote keyboard I'll be able to use while lounging on my couch or cooking in the kitchen. Now that's quality that never goes out of style. (Apple and the future of music - I was post number three of five, but there is an election on)

birthday girl

Today is Sue's birthday. I don't remember how old she is (honestly!) and I didn't even remember today was her birthday until I called her last night to say hi and thank her for the photos she had e-mailed me. She was nice enough to remind me, however. If any of my other friends or relations feel slighted by my not remembering their birthday, it's their own fault for not providing me with sufficient advance notice!

Call it a coincidence but yesterday Ella's daycare went on a field trip to a bakery and all the kids came home with cakes that they had helped make and decorate. It's a fresh cream cake, and de rigeur for birthdays here in Korea. There's still some left in the fridge but I don't know If Suhee will get a taste, seeing as she's so far away in Seoul. Happy birthday Sue!

or perhaps canadians really would prefer this man

Today's post will be dedicated to all things Canadian, and of course it begins with a hockey icon. Last year, my first time back in Canada during hockey season for more than a few weeks since 1997, there was no NHL. Did I miss it? Not really. CBC thoughtfully accomodated it's Saturday evening audience with something called Movie Night in Canada, with movies introduced by hockey commentators broadcasting from amateur rinks across the country. Don Cherry, however, was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he was preparing his Prime Ministerial campaign.

I was trying to explain to a fellow teacher today how Montreal clears the most snow every year of any city in the world. He mentioned Helsinki and Moscow, but I'm hoping this photo will help illustrate my point. Apparently 50cm of snow just dropped out of the sky overnight. I believe it because it happened to me back in 1995. I didn't mind so much because I'd spent the previous evening with a Canadian actress of some renown and was snuggled up with her in her friends' guest bedroom for most of the night. We drove back to Toronto the next morning after I had dug out my near-antique recently-purchased BMW. Such adventures are hard to come by now I'm a single dad.

This last photo, also stolen from a Quebecoise' blog, is undeniably Canadian. In addition to the great bagels and Maudite from the depanneur, two of my favourite things about Montreal are the smoked meat (it's beef) and this wonder of wonders poutine. My most memorable poutine moment was several years ago when I was visiting my friend from SEED Mike and his girlfriend Leah. Mike was practicing with his band when I arrived, not Godspeed You Black Emperor but one of the other ones, maybe Molasses. Leah suggested we go for some food while waiting for him. Now Mike and Leah are vegetarians but I'm not so I was glad when Leah suggested the first Montreal diner I had ever visited, back in 1990 with another actress girlfriend. I had made a pledge to myself to enjoy some poutine and some smoked meat while in Montreal this time, so you can imagine my delight when I discovered that the daily special was smoked meat ON poutine. If I ever die of a heart attack I hope I will have enjoyed that very delicacy sometime within the previous twenty-four hours.

If you're wondering what the cheesy-looking bits between the gravy and french fries are, you'd be right. They are indeed cheese curds, as far as I know packaged only for sale in Quebec and of course Ottawa.

meet the next prime minister of canada

I was watching the San Jose Sharks play the Senators in Ottawa on American Forces Network television Saturday morning. I wasn't really paying attention to the game as it had been taped previously. I checked the play-by-play record on espn.com and just watched the breakaway goal in the second period by Marleau on Hasek. I was paying attention however when the Sharks' commentator explained who Don Cherry was. He mentioned the current Canadian election and claimed that if Cherry was running for Prime Minister he would win hands-down, or some such nonsense. It just goes to show how even if Americans happen to be paying attention they can still remain completely ignorant.

For those of you not in the know, including many Canadians I'm afraid, the only time a politician can run for Prime Minister is when the party which has formed the government due to a majority or the largest representation in the House of Commons holds a leadership convention, as occurred when Paul Martin replaced the retiring Jean Chretien a few years back. Canadians never elect a Prime Minister, but you already knew that didn't you?

intolerable working conditions...not!

These three photos are all from last September, when I began teaching here at Kyungpook National University. Note the pristine state of my desk, the one with the brown Tim Horton's travel mug on it.

This view from the teacher's lounge is off in the direction of Palgongsan, and takes in the corner of Sankyeokdong where Ella's daycare is located. Our home is just to the left, on campus.

These yellow flowers were photographed at eye level, and were a few feet taller than me. I hope they come back next summer.

And now what you've all been eagerly awaiting, my all-time record nine comments posted to the Globe and Mail in one day!

January 10th

Weren't those safety seals designed so that they could only be removed by Christian Democratic Centrists?
(Iran removes seals on nuclear facilities - I had the first comment!)

some Name from Calgary: I'm sure the Israelis wouldn't be doing something about it ALL by themselves. There must be a world superpower somehwere that would be willing to give them a helping hand in an unprovoked act of agression
(some Name from Calgary wrote: If somethign isn't done by the UN soon, don't be suprised to see the Isrealis do something about it themselves. Note the speed typing errors! Somehwere and somethign. Coincidence or what?)

I don't find this at all reassuring.
(WHO warns bird virus may be on verge of mutating)

And a former Hitler Youth member is now the pope. I wake up in disbelief almost every day now.
(I really can't believe this was accepted. I was referring to this: Mr. al-Boushi, a 47-year-old Syrian-Canadian business manager, was seized at Damascus airport in July of 2002, as he arrived in Syria to visit his dying father -- his first visit there since he emigrated in 1979. Syrian officials charged him with security offences linked to his involvement with the Muslim Brotherhood in the late 1970s, when he was a teenager, and he was eventually sentenced in a secret trial to at least eight years in prison.)

I guess that's why American beef is still banned here in South Korea, not the e-coli contamination in their processing plants and the bovine spongiform encephalitis in their herds.
(Canadian meat inspections deficient, U.S. report says)

At least Martin has already bucked the trend. You know, Kim Campbell and John Turner, selected by their parties but never elected as leaders. It's kind of nice to be back to the political instability of the seventies and early eighties now, don't you think? Who needs another Mulroney or Chretien landslide? A good portion of humble pie for each and every MP, party affiliation notwithstanding.
(Liberals quietly consider the possibility of defeat)

Regarding the photo accompanying this article, isn't Mr. Harper just about the most perfect Republican stooge you've ever laid eyes upon?

They still leave you happy and docile if you drink enough, don't they?
(Don't sneeze at this: Cough remedies useless. I think I was referring just to the syrups with codeine. Felis Catus from Kitchener, Canada wrote my favourite: It's an established scientific fact that a properly treated and medicated cold can be cured in six or seven days, whereas left to itself it will linger for about a week.)

And here is the doozy that provoked some name calling:

gordon foster from toronto, Canada writes: J Nigh, also from Toronto, states:
the Khadr's were not defending their country from invading enemy soldiers, nor were they protecting their family from invading soldiers ...they were in what is *universally* declared to be a *terrorist* training camp. This was not a civilian compound but a compound dedicated to military training, which makes it a fair target. Perhaps Mr. Nigh can also explain what American soldiers are doing, trained in perhaps similar but most probably more elaborate compounds dedicated to such training, in any of several foreign countries where they are clearly neither defending their country nor protecting their families from invading enemy soldiers. Why is an act of agression against a clearly marked American naval vessel considered an act of terrorism, while various actions such as the siege of Fallujah are considered acts of war? It is the perpetrator not the act, and obviously there is a clear double standard at work here.

(among other things, Morgan Oliviero from Kingston, Canada writes: #2. The distinguishing factor between the attack on the USS Cole and the siege of Fallujah is that the USS Cole was bombed by a group of men who used a civilian vessel filled with explosives. The siege of Fallujah was a military operation in which every reasonable attempt was made to capture rather than kill enemy combatants and avoid killing civilians.)

Isn't that exactly what I stated?

And now the name-calling:

(D R from Toronro, Canada writes: It looks almost as if Gordon Foster is defending Khadrs right to fight the Americans in Afganisthan. The only link for these people fighting the Americans or any other western government is their extremist islamic ideology.Do you find christians going to fight wars on behalf of other christian countries?People like Khadr will sooner or later bring their war to Canada and I wonder then if Gordon Foster will still be defending the rights of people like Khadr.)

Did I mention anything about defending rights? Perhaps I should have said something about free speech.

what do I know about anything?

In my own humble opinion, the grass is green and the sky is blue. Here are some more of my disjointed ramblings posted daily to the Globe and Mail:

January 9th

I find the human rights angle on this story a bit disingenuous. India is one of the more over-populated nations in the world today, as is China. Biologically, woman are needed to increase the population or as John Cleese more bluntly put it in Monty Python's Life of Brian: : "Where's the foetus going to gestate? In a box?" I find it reassuring that Indian parents are instinctively limiting the potential population growth by opting for male children when given the opportunity. In Canada advanced-age first pregnancies are accomplishing the same thing.

I found this paragraph intriguing:
"Iran has a history of aircraft accidents involving a heavy loss of life. The government has blamed the U.S. trade embargo which makes it impossible for Iran to buy parts for its old U.S.-built aircraft. But critics have also said planes are poorly maintained." Wouldn't a lack of replacement parts hamper proper maintenance? I am pleased however that the Revolutionary Guards' commander's service during the 1980-88 war with Iraq was mentioned. Wasn't Mr. Hussein in power at that time? Wasn't he encouraged by supporters within the Reagan administration to wage war? Wasn't the current American President's father Vice-President for four of those years? Has something else been going on all along or am I just stating the obvious?
(funnily enough, mine was the only comment posted!)

I find all this hypocrisy in Nova Scotia so very reassuringly Canadian. (about Sunday closing laws)

I think they've gotten as many laughs out of this man on Saturday Night Live as they're going to get, don't you agree? (Dick Cheney)

Maybe I will postpone my return to Canada until after the next election, which I'm sure will be hard on the heels of this one if Harper gets a minority government. He won't have a lot of friends across the floor. (now it seems he might get a majority. I should just keep my big mouth shut!)

January 7th

You can trust your mom to know what to do. I hope her son thanks her when he gets the opportunity. ("Armed teen's mother opts not to stay mum")

if when I am 93 a curmudgeon I should be...

...I will retract this first comment.

Today's comments are interspersed with some more photos of trees taken in Andong, Korea by a tourist from Hong Kong. They probably didn't use a polaroid camera.

January 5th, 2006

As a fellow poet, I must say that I have not been greatly influenced by the man. Perhaps I need to read more of his works, but there is something so typically Canadian about Irving Layton that leaves me, how shall I put it, cold. Perhaps if I somehow have the good fortune to become enshrined by the Canadian academic and broadcasting establishments, I too could marry five times and father four children by the age of 93. I am wondering however why Mr. Layton was not nominated again for the Nobel prize in the succeeding twenty-four years. Is this somehow attributable to his condition as an Alzheimer's sufferer? My grandmother was not accurately diagnosed with that disease until after her passing at age 83, so I do at least congratulate Mr. Layton on his longevity, if not his literary pertinence. Now if only Mr. Cohen could be nominated for gravelly voiced singer-songwritng. I consider myself a fan and if any Canadian could represent us well at the Nobels, he could.

It's unfortunate that anyone experiences ill health, yet I do find Mr. Sharon's condition somewhat bizarre. There was a news report recently that his doctor had suggested he lose weight. Perhaps that could have been attempted some time ago. As for Israeli politics, I'll leave well enough alone.

January 4th

Perhaps I'll move to Alberta to collect some extra cash, or do you have to be born there or something?

For me, if the Canadian juniors win their next game it will be the real Olympic gold medal. I'm sick of millionaires scrambling for more attention and prestige at the expense of amateur athletes. Is there little wonder that the Canadian summer Olympic program is in disarray? We need a professional rowing league, I guess.

The Rolling Stones themselves can't be over fifty, can they? It's still 1983, isn't it, the last time anybody really cared about the Superbowl halftime show? Oh no, wait, this is Superbowl XL. They should have stopped at XXL, really. Who wants to watch skinny football players?

My family's sixteen year old schnauzer died peacefully in his sleep, about thirteen years ago. The family hasn't been so close since. For all the families who are finding it a little difficult to care for that Christmas puppy, have a heart and make the effort. Love emanates from the family dog along with all the odours and dander.

January 3rd

Well, how about another couple of pennies. I will actually care more about Canadian politics when it moves beyond the ancient
tory-liberal polarisation. And if Quebec ever sees fit to put its skates back on and come back to play on the big public rink instead of the crappy little one in their own backyard, the game will be so much more fun. Don't Canadians realise how petty their little squabbles seem to the rest of the world? I'm from Alberta, Martin's a crook. I'm from Ontario, Harper's a hick. I'm from Quebec, anglos are evil. I'm from Canada, you idiots. I speak English and French, I want a good job and my personal freedoms. Let's elect someone who respects those values. And vote for the candidate in your own riding!

trees for steve

Hey, Steve, just call me Ganesh. Actually, I do remember all those trees for Wildboy, but you don't seem to have a picture of that set on your website. Didn't that get some sort of award? I know you expected it to. Here are some actual trees that I photographed while testing out my new polaroid digital camera last spring. It was the last one thay had left at Grand and Toy and was in a blister pack so I didn't realise it didn't have a screen for viewingimages until I got out to my mom's car and opened it. It was a big discount so I couldn't return it. I decided to cherish it instead. It's fun to have people ask to see the photo I've just taken only to be shown that it's impossible. Ella was the first one to be fooled that way. Funny thing though that a polaroid is the one digital camera I've seen where you have to wait to see your photos. I enjoy the suspense, actually. Now back to trees. I did adapt some more trees for a set design, this one by the lovely Astrid Janson at the soon-to-be relocated or defunct Artword Theatre on Portland last spring. Chris Clifford, the production manager for the show Your Dream Was Mine, asked me to figure out a way to put trees onto a stage where they couldn't be attached to the floor. There's a simple solution to everything, so don't be surprised if you're on the roof of the Cameron House or the Bathurst St. Theatre and notice a few or several dead saplings spray-painted blue with concrete bases. My mom even has one in her garden. I suggested tossing them all in the lake after the strike but Chris wanted to save a bunch, possibly for use in Into the Woods last summer. Other people kept some because they just thought they were cool. No digital photos, though. I hadn't purchased my polaroid yet.

Oh yeah, here's one extra photo just for the amusement of Mr. Clifford.

thanks for teresa

I currently have eight comments accepted and posted to the Globe and Mail website for today and I'm waiting on number nine. I recently recovered my first accepted comment and it turns out to be about hockey, of course.

October 7th, 2005

Instead of allowing only shootouts to exhibit the "great hockey plays" of individual players (how often in a real game does a centre end up with a one on one breakaway, anyways?), why not get rid of the salary cap altogether and just have general managers sit around every September like any average Canadian and draft a fantasy team. No payroll, so they can wager all their money in the pool, and even win the Stanley Cup, currently being "defended" by the Tampa Bay Lightening (of the tax burden). Now it's only a question of when and where the players would actually play "great hockey". Perhaps a traveling skills exhibition similar to the one put on by the great wrestling associations, accompanied by loud music and fireworks-enhanced entrances, replete with all the locker-room pestering. It could be televised nightly from each city on pay-per-view. Then the hockey traditionalists would have no difficulty deciding which game to watch. Me, I'm more of a purist. I cheer for my home team. At least I know the Senators still won't get past the Leafs in the playoffs.

As you are probably aware I am currently residing in South Korea. When I first moved here nigh on a full decade ago I considered acquiring some ice skates as I imagined perfect ice conditions on at least a few of the multitudinous rice paddies. As it turns out, the paddies are drained in winter and any water that might collect would only freeze into small fractured sheets due to the ricestalk stubble left in the ground to be plowed under in spring. There are actually no free public ice rinks, at least not in Daegu. Another reason I enjoyed being in Toronto last year. I especially recommend the rink at Dufferin Grove park with it's woodstove-warmed clubhouse and wholesome natural food snacks. Thanks Teresa for inviting Ella and I to enjoy skating there with you, Fien and Marcus. I'm sorry I don't have any digital photos to post.